Voodoo Dick

to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a

flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her

something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he

didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So

he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking

around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was

too close to another man for him. He was browsing through

the dildos, looking for something special to please his

wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.

He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't

really know of anything that will do the trick. We have

vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I

don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for

weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man

asked. "Nothing,nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the

'voodoodick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he

asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out

an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened

it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The

businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks

like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied,

"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a

door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose

out of its box, darted over to the door, and started

screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the

vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before

the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get

back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to

the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!"

said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't

for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The

guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo

and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick,

my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would

be fine while he wasgone. After he'd been gone a few days,

the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people

who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the

voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my

pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started

pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced

before.After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and

tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still

thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing

worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how toshut it

off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they

could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and

started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust

of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her

swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman.

He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had

to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she

hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in

her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at

her for a second, and then said "Yea, right... Voodoo dick,

my ass!"