Jokes of the day for Friday, 18 July 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 18 July 2008
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (146)

A guy got on a bus one day and...

A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.
Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper"?

The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

The day after a man lost his w...

The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well, tell me!" the man said.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."

"Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "when we pulled her up she had two five- pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."

"If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."
#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

The golf ball...

These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball?"

He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."

His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!"

The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."

Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?!"

The man replies, "I found it."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

Why did the scarecrow win the ...

Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
He was outstanding in his field.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Three women escape from ...

Three women escape from prison - a blonde and two brunettes - and to get away from the cops they hide in an abandoned farm house.

Inside the house there are three sacks that the escapees crawl into when the police search the building.

One of the cops sees the sacks and yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding".

The officer goes and kicks one with a brunette in it and she yells "MEEEYYOWW!"

The officer says "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there."

So he kicks the one with the other brunette in it and she yells "RUUFFF RUFFF!"

The officer says "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!"

Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells "POTATOES!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

What has two feet on both ends...

What has two feet on both ends and one foot in the middle? A yardstick!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Find number abc

If 80c92 - aa21b = 2a479 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Scary Collection 26


A vampire joke

What happened to the mad vampire?

He went a little batty!


A demon joke

What is the best way to get rid of a demon?

Exorcise a lot!


A ghost joke

What kind of jewels to ghosts wear?

Tombstones!


A demon joke

Why do demons and ghouls get on so well?

Because demons are a ghouls best friend!


A vampire joke

Where do vampires go on holiday?

The Isle of Fright!


A vampire joke

What's a vampire's favourite soup?

Sharks' fang soup!


A vampire joke

Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?

Ghouldilocks!





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Wishes at law office

A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Brad Pitt."

Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."

Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.

The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Through the Desert On a Man With No Ears

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?" he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have any freakin' ears."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

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