Jokes of the day for Monday, 28 July 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 28 July 2008
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (166)

Seen in ...

Seen in real CVs:

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"Interests: Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (14)

Sherlock Holmes in Heaven


Sherlock Holmes stood at the Gates of Heaven pulling at his pipe awaiting his turn. "I'll let you in," said St. Peter, gesturing toward the heavenly throngs behind him, "if you'll tell me who among these was the first mortal."

"Elementary, my dear St. Peter," said the great detective, "he's the one without a bellybutton."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Liars

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

“Next Sunday,” she said, “we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark.”

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, “Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room.”

About half the class rose and came forward.

“The rest of you may leave,” said the teacher. “These students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no
Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 6.78/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (9)

This guy and a blonde are maki...

This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car.

After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?"

She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?"

To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Rotten luck...

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

So I rang up BT and said: "I w...

So I rang up BT and said: "I want to report a nuisance caller". He said: "Not you again".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

Film was made in 1998.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

What do you call a lesbi...

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotapuss.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.funnyordie.com/ - Funny or die, jokes, humor
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Once upon a time ther...

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello, we're down here..."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

Why do ghosts ride on elevator...

Why do ghosts ride on elevators? To raise their spirits!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Knock Knock Collection 183


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Usher!

Usher who?

Usher wish you would let me in!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Uta!

Uta who?

Uta sight, uta mind!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Utah!

Utah who?

Utah told me to knock!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Utica!

Utica who?

Utica the high road and I'll take the low road!


Knock Knock

Who's there?

Uva!

Uva who?

Uva vacuum!





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (6)

You might be a redneck if 30

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house....not including 22 caliber.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Huge Pause

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"
The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"
The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.