Jokes of the day for Thursday, 07 August 2008
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 07 August 2008 |
REJECTI...
REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATEThe next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your
refusal to offer me [job title].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of
candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of
the company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and
previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your
rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment] with your firm
immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I
look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[your name]
Cast Out of Eden
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. "Your mother ate us out of house and home."
Three doctors die in a car acc...
Three doctors die in a car accident and they are at heavens door.The gatekeeper asks the doctors, "What did you do that you should merit an entrance?"
The first doctor replies, "I developed a heart valve which saved hundred of lives."
The second doctor replies, "I developed a universal vaccine that wipe out many diseases."
The gatekeeper steps aside and lets the two doctors pass. "Go right in," he says.
The third doctor replies, "I invented the HMO's.
To which the gatekeeper responds, "You can go in, but you can only stay for three days!"
Dad's turn to feed the baby....
The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, "What in the world are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."
My wife's off to Indonesia on ...
My wife's off to Indonesia on holidayJakarta?
No she went on a plane
Top 25 Country Songs ...
Top 25 Country Songs
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21. Sold A Car To a Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We Even
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, but Let's Honeymoon Tonight
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I'm Going To Miss Him
8. Please Bypass This Heart
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
6. You Done Stomped On My Heart And Mashed That Sucker Flat
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly
4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Double
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
...And the number one Country and Western song is:
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly (Wo)Men, But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few
What do you call a chicken cro...
What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion.He Is A Very Fast Drinker
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Blonde in a Snow Storm
A blonde got stuck in a snowstorm and started to panic.Then she remembered that her father had told her to wait for
a snow plow to come and plow the road in front of her if she
ever got stuck in a snowstorm. Then follow the plow to
safety. So she waited until a snow plow finally came, and she
followed it.
After about an hour and a half the guy driving the snow plow
stopped and asked the blonde what she was doing.
She told him what her father told her. He shrugged his
shoulders and said "Well, okay, I'm done with K-Mart's
parking lot, would you like to follow me to Sears?"
my friend and I were walking a...
my friend and I were walking around the annual Art Fest in Boston Mills, Ohio. Art shows such as this have several booths where artists display their wares for sale to the public.As we were passing one booth, an artist was arranging an object d'art on his wall. A lady asked him, "How big is it?"
"Twenty inches." he replied.
She said, "It looks bigger than that."
The artist was silent for several moments. Then he said simply, "Men have been lying to you."
Unfaithful Wives
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."
You cannot correct an old person...
You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner! A man walks into a drugstore a...
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing.Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yup."
"Where did he go?"
"Your house."
A guy is 86 years old and love...
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,"Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."