Jokes of the day for Thursday, 07 August 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 07 August 2008
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (116)

REJECTI...

REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:

Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],

Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful
consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your
refusal to offer me [job title].

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large
number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of
candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of
the company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and
previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your
rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.

Therefore, I will initiate [employment] with your firm
immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I
look forward to working with you.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,
[your name]



#joke
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Cast Out of Eden


Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?

A. "Your mother ate us out of house and home."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Three doctors die in a car acc...

Three doctors die in a car accident and they are at heavens door.
The gatekeeper asks the doctors, "What did you do that you should merit an entrance?"
The first doctor replies, "I developed a heart valve which saved hundred of lives."
The second doctor replies, "I developed a universal vaccine that wipe out many diseases."
The gatekeeper steps aside and lets the two doctors pass. "Go right in," he says.
The third doctor replies, "I invented the HMO's.
To which the gatekeeper responds, "You can go in, but you can only stay for three days!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

Brunette after sex: "Oh t...

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you...wanna marry?"

Blonde after sex: "Next!"

Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Dad's turn to feed the baby....

The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby.

His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, "What in the world are you doing?"

He replied, "I'm just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (9)

My wife's off to Indonesia on ...

My wife's off to Indonesia on holiday
Jakarta?

No she went on a plane

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (7)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (16, 17, 22, 24, 25, 30, 54, 55, 60, 69, 79, 88) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Top 25 Country Songs ...

Top 25 Country Songs

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

21. Sold A Car To a Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We Even

20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, but Let's Honeymoon Tonight

15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

14. I've Got tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You

13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You

9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I'm Going To Miss Him

8. Please Bypass This Heart

7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

6. You Done Stomped On My Heart And Mashed That Sucker Flat

5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Double

2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

...And the number one Country and Western song is:

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly (Wo)Men, But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

What do you call a chicken cro...

What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in motion.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

He Is A Very Fast Drinker


A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Blonde in a Snow Storm

A blonde got stuck in a snowstorm and started to panic.

Then she remembered that her father had told her to wait for

a snow plow to come and plow the road in front of her if she

ever got stuck in a snowstorm. Then follow the plow to

safety. So she waited until a snow plow finally came, and she

followed it.

After about an hour and a half the guy driving the snow plow

stopped and asked the blonde what she was doing.

She told him what her father told her. He shrugged his

shoulders and said "Well, okay, I'm done with K-Mart's

parking lot, would you like to follow me to Sears?"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

my friend and I were walking a...

my friend and I were walking around the annual Art Fest in Boston Mills, Ohio. Art shows such as this have several booths where artists display their wares for sale to the public.

As we were passing one booth, an artist was arranging an object d'art on his wall. A lady asked him, "How big is it?"

"Twenty inches." he replied.

She said, "It looks bigger than that."

The artist was silent for several moments. Then he said simply, "Men have been lying to you."

#joke
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

Unfaithful Wives

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

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