Jokes of the day for Saturday, 09 August 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 09 August 2008
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One day...

One day a man tried to get a job at a great company. He passed every test with flying colours. However, at the final interview part, the CEO told him that his constant blinking would bother customers.

"I can fix that with some Aspirin. I just take some and it'll be better in a second."

So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls condom after condom out until he finds the Aspirin. He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says "We don't approve of womanising!"

The guy says "Oh! No! Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist for aspirin while your winking!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Leaves of the Book


A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

The Good, The Bad & The ...

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections!

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He is wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

#joke #lawyer #christmas
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
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Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

"Dick Cheney finally answ...

"Dick Cheney finally answered questions about the hunting accident on Fox News. You know, I think Fox News is a little biased. They called it 'Interview with a Marksman.'" -- Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
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The new lawyer...

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone.

He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived.

As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking...

"No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million..."

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support..."

"Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details..."

This sort of thing went on for almost 5 minutes. All the while the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions.

Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.

"I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"

The man replied "I'm from the phone company...I came to hook up your phone."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
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Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Wanda's dishwasher breaks down...

Wanda's dishwasher breaks down so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll send you a cheque."
"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you.

But, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, talk to my parrot! I mean it. Don't talk to my parrot."

"When the repairman arrives at Wanda's house the following day, he discovers the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lies there on the carpet watching him go about his work.

The parrot, however, drives him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman can't contain himself any longer and yells: "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replies: "Get him, Spike!"

Ewan Greig, Duddingston

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com





The full article contains 187 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
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  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Find a famous person

Find the first and the last name of a famous person. Text may go in all 8 directions. Length of words in solution: 5,6.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Doctor's Funeral

Doctor's Funeral

A Cardiologist dies and is given an elaborate funeral.

A huge heart covered in flowers stands behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the flowered heart opens and the casket is gently rolled inside.

The heart then closes and the Cardiologist is sealed in the beautiful heart forever.

Seeing the procedure, one of the mourners bursts into laughter. When all eyes stare at him, he explains, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see, I'm a Gynaecologist."

#joke #doctor

Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

I believe that five out of fou...

I believe that five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Yo Mama So Ugly

yo mama so eglu even canbales are afard of her.
#joke #short #yomama
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Shit

A little fella walks into a bar.

Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door,

and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up

and walks to the bar and buys a drink.

A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of

shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.

The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a

conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just

did that."

The big guy punches him in the mouth.

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

Stoopid Baby Names

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"

The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."

The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,

"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."

The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
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Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

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