Jokes of the day for Monday, 01 September 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 01 September 2008
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (201)

Moses Negotiates the Commandments


The Hebrew people were sitting around Mt. Sinai. You could hear only a subdued murmur among them, but you could feel the tension in the air.

For hours now, Moses had been on top of the mountain, hidden from their gaze by clouds wafting around its top. Sometimes the clouds became dark and you could hear thunder rolling down. In spite of the warm weather, this caused a shudder among the waiting mass.The end of day was approaching and dusk was beginning to set in when suddenly a figure came through the clouds and walked down the steep mountainside carrying a heavy load. It was Moses.

Moses set down his load and raised his hands.

"Friends," he said. "Friends, it was hard work and I have done my best. I have negotiated with Him. I used every possible argument, every trick I could think of—and I think I was successful. The good news is: I brought him down from 15 to 10. The bad news is: Adultery is still in."
#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

Labor Day Jokes

Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day.
Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No Labor Day?’

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 6.89/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (9)

When I was married, my wife us...

When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome.

Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (25)

There once was a terrorist cel...

There once was a terrorist cell planning an attack on United States soil. CTU got wind of this and naturally sent Jack Bauer to "recon" the base and call for additional reinforcements if needed. Upon arrival at said encampment, Jack saw that the head terrorists were in one room planning a biological attack. Chuckling to himself, Jack fired one bullet. Just one. That fateful bullet bounced off the walls killing all inside. Pleased with himself for saving ammunition, Jack returned to CTU and savaged the summer intern in situation room 1.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.22/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (9)

Frugal...

Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant.

He explained that being frugal meant you saved something.

Her paper read: "Frugal: to save."

Sentence: "Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (7)

Why did the chicken cross the ...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

Gary Thompson, Liberton
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Find number abc

If b3b2a - c2a33 = 60ba6 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

George Bush has a heart ...

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammers, time after time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said.... "Monica, you're free to go!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

Did you hear about the Old Tes...

Did you hear about the Old Testament prostitute who got arrested? She was accused of trying to make a prophet.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Signs And Notices 17


These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

An ad on the subway in NYC: "Learn to read and speak English. Call us now."

An Amelia Island, FL, podiatrist: "Emergency Foot Surgery- Walk-ins Welcomed."

Sign over a restroom in a restaurant: "Used beer department."

On a store front in Florida: "Your one stop shop! Beer ammo and liquor. Drive through open 24 hours!"

A speed limit sign on Long Beach Island, New Jersey: "Smile, You're on Radar!"

Seen in a State Park in California: "Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope) Check the Rock. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's moving, it's windy. If you can't see it, it's foggy. If rock is gone, it's a tornado."





#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Rogaine and Viagra

What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viagra?
Hair that stands straight up on your head!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

an explorer in the deepest Ama...

an explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm fucked."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No you are NOT fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living shit out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again: "Okay . . . NOW you're fucked."

#joke
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (46)

Angering the Irishman

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (9)

More Law...

More Laws of Work

1 Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

2 It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you're going to do.

3 You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

4 Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

5 If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

6 When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

7 The last person that left will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

8 A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

9 When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they never mean themselves.

10 Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.



#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 July 2008
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

All Categories

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.