JOKES OF THE DAY

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command.

Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty.

Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't.

"I have made a new discovery!" the blonde cried. "When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!"

An old man went into confession and told the priest: "Father,I'm 81 married with six children and 13 grandchildren. Last night i had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old ladies. Twice."

"I see," said the priest. "When was the last time you were in confession?"

"Never,Father", replied the old man. "I'm Jewish"

"So why are you telling me?"

"I'm telling everybody!"

2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

5. Great groups from little icons grow.

6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

7. C: is the root of all directories.

8. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

9. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

10. The modem is the message.

11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.

12. The geek shall inherit the earth.

13. A chat has nine lives.

14. Don't byte off more than you can view.

15. Fax is stranger than fiction.

16. What boots up must come down.

17. Windows will never cease.

18. Virtual reality is its own reward.

19. Modulation in all things.

20. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

21. There's no place like home.com.

22. Know what to expect before you connect.

23. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

24. Speed thrills.

25. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and
he won't bother you for weeks.

The pope was coming over to visit Canada and when he was greeted at the airport there was a limo waiting for him. As he was getting in he asked the limo driver if he could drive instead, because being a pope - he never got to do neat things like that.

The driver said sure, after all - you can't say no to the pope.

The pope of course decided to have some fun and drove the limo at about 200 km/h in a 80 km/h zone and a cop spots him and pulls him over.

The cop of course was very surprised when he looked inside the limo, and immediately radioed his supervisor.

Cop: What should I do? I can't ticket this guy!
Supervisor: Why who is it? The Mayor?

Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere?

Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere?

Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the Premiere? The Prime Minister?

Cop: No, much much more important!
Supervisor: Not the Prime Minister? Who the hell can be more important than the Prime Minister?

Cop: I don't know, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur!

The substitute wanted to know what to play.
‘Here’s a copy of the service,’ he said impatiently. ‘But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.’ During the service, the minister paused and said, ‘Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need \$4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge \$100 or more, please stand up.’
At that moment, the substitute organist played, *’O Canada.’

*And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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*Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
* *Give me the grace to see a joke,
* *To get some humour out of life,
* *And pass it on to other folk!*