Jokes of the day for Friday, 19 September 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 19 September 2008
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (105)

Wealthy Palestine


Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

Give me two hot dogs.

One wi...

Give me two hot dogs.

One with mustard and one without."

"Which one without?"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

What did he say?

An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer said, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!”

The patrolman says, “May I see your license?” The woman turns to her husband and asks again, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He wants to see your license!”

The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” And the old man yells, “He said he knows you!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

"Waiter, there's a frog in my ...

"Waiter, there's a frog in my soup."
"Yes sir, the fly's on holiday"

Tony White, Loanhead

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 38 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

One shot pony

An...

One shot pony

An 80 year old man is having his annual checkup.

The doctor asks him how he's feeling, "I've never been better!" he replies. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezes the handle. *BAM* The beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver".

"Exactly." says the doctor.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Why won't sharks attack lawyer...

Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Find number abc

If 81b77 - 6cba6 = 160c1 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Cesium Song 11


Cesium Glows

(Tune, Love's a Rose - Neil Young)


Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,

It's fire grows when it's on the tongue.

Lips full of holes, you'll know you've kissed it,

Just take a bite if you want to die young.


I want to see what's never been seen,

I want to dream that Cesium dream.

Come on love, we can glow together,

Let's eat it all right now.

Take a bite right now.


I want to lie in a hole in the ground,

Six feet deep, and twelve feet 'round.

Sky blue light around me shinin',

Pale blue worms upon me dinin'.


Cesium glows, but you better not lick it,

It's fire grows when its on your tongue.

Mouth full of holes if ever you kiss it,

Gimme a spoon 'cause I wanna die Young.


---Songs of Cesium #109





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Nude Beach

"How can you tell if there is a blind man on a nude beach?" a guy asked his friend.

"It ain't hard," he said with a shrug.

Submitted by curtis

Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing, yisman and hottrouble1

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Porsche and Hedgehog

What's the difference between a Porsche and a hedgehog?

A hedgehog has its pricks on the outside.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Signs Of Christmas

Toy ...

Signs Of Christmas

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.
Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (26)

there was this hooker named Ju...

there was this hooker named Judi who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him.

The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"

Judi replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it's *really* original, it'll cost you an extra $20."

#joke
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

A man i...

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 10 metres above the ground. You're between 52.3 and 52.4 degrees north latitude and between 1.8 and 1.9 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no
idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

"The woman below responded, "You must be in Senior Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 August 2008
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Two clergy persons are on an a...

Two clergy persons are on an airplane, a Catholic priest and a Mormon bishop.

After a while, the priest turns to the bishop and asks, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you are not to drink coffee?"

The Mormon bishop responds, "Yes that is still one of our beliefs."

The Catholic priest then asks, "Have you ever had a cup of coffee?"

"Yes," says the Mormon bishop, "I have to admit on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tried a cup of coffee."

The Catholic priest nods in understanding and goes on with his reading. A while later, the Mormon bishop speaks up and asks, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"

The Catholic priest replies, "Yes, that is still one of our vows."

The Mormon bishop then asks, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"

The Catholic priest replied, "Yes, Bishop, on one occasion, I was weak and broke my vow."

The Mormon bishop nodded understandingly for a moment.

A few minutes later he smiled, looked at the Catholic priest and then said, "A lot better than coffee, isn't it?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 July 2008
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

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Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

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