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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Sep the 23rd 2008
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Glazed Over |
A cop pulls over a guy.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?" |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| true Story,
Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to
commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose
around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock.
He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried
to shoot himself at the last moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and cut
through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he
plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames
and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out of the water
by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he DID die
. . . of exposure. |
Permalink | Source : Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Slot machine winner |
| A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button; suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Yeah right! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm still winning!" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Reasons For The Mir Accident |
After intensive investigation on both the Soviet and US parts, spokespersons from both space agencies have determined the cause for the accident which has placed the station and its resident personnel in jeopardy.
In terse statements at a recent press conference, Soviet and US space agency spokespersons said Thursday We have concluded joint investigations concerning this potentially tragic accident and each nations' team, separately, has arrived at identical conclusions for this incident.
The accident was caused by one thing and one thing only: OBJECTS IN MIR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Did you hear about the \$6 million lottery? The winner gets \$6 a year for a million years. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Now don't be confused...
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = No
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
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Permalink | Source : http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A woman's perogative... |
Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony.
When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?"
Her mother replied, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another one."
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Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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All Categories |
Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
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Permalink | Source : funny-haha.co.uk - Number of jokes in categories, joke of the day
Rating: 4.2/10 (22 votes cast) |
There were three Women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated that it was about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I’m going to try to swim to shore."
She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it’s better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve."
She attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette. She swam out 10 miles before she even got tired.
After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!" "I think I’d better try to make it, too."
She swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.
The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I’m too tired to go on!" So she swam back. |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A young woman walks into a doctor's office complaining about a rash on her chest. Upon examination, the doctor discovers the rash is in the shape of a 'Y'. The doctor asks the woman if she can think of anything which might explain it. "Well," the woman replies, "it could be my boyfriend. You see, he goes to Yale and when we have sex he insists on wearing his letter sweater." The doctor tells the woman to make her boyfriend take off the sweater before they have sex. Later that same day another woman comes in with a rash on her chest, this one in the shape of an 'H'. When questioned, the woman explains that her boyfriend goes to Harvard and insists on wearing his letter sweater when they have sex. The doctor gives the second woman the same advice as the first and sends he on her way. Later yet another woman comes into the office with a rash in the shape of an 'M'. Before the woman can explain, the doctor exclaims, "I bet your boyfriend goes to Michigan!" A smile breaks across the woman's face as she exclaims, "No! My girlfriend goes to Wesleyan!" |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Signs Of Christmas
Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”
Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”
Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”
At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”
A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — \$70,000.
Three for \$200,000.
A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”
In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.” |
Permalink | Source : Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
Rating: 4.4/10 (10 votes cast) |
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A Jewish Telegram |
Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Permalink | Source : Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
Rating: 6.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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