Jokes of the day for Friday, 03 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 03 October 2008
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (97)

Seen in ...

Seen in real CVs:

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

"I was working for my mum until she decided to move."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jobs 1 - UK Job search joke of the day
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:


If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

A woman took a vacation to Fra...

A woman took a vacation to France recently with one of her girlfriends.

Her husband drove her to the airport and wished her a good trip. The wife asked, "Would you like me to bring something back for you?"

The husband laughed and says, "How about a French girl!"

Our lady kept quiet, didn't respond and went into the terminal.

Two weeks later her husband picked her up at the airport and asked, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Really great, I loved Paris."

"And, what happened to my present?"

"Which present?"

"What I asked for....the French girl?"

"Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we'll have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Location...Location...Location

Benny had told all his friends about the delicious steak he'd eaten in the Delancey Street restaurant the day before. So they decided to go down there and see if it was really as large and delicious as he said. But, much to their disappointment, the waiter brought them the tiniest steak they'd ever seen.

"See here, my good man," Benny barked. "I was in this restaurant yesterday, and you served me a big, juicy steak, and now today, when I've organized a party and highly recommended this place, you serve such a small one."

"Yes, sir," replied the waiter. "But yesterday you were sitting by the window."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

What do you call a woman with ...

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

Sean Edwards, Leith

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 40 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (10)

Two eggs please

...

Two eggs please

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."

"How do you want your eggs?"

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home.

The moral of the story ........... DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

How are men like parking space...

How are men like parking spaces? The good ones are always taken. The free ones are either handicapped or extremely small.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Convince These Students


An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was greeted with cat calls, whistles and projection of rotten eggs and an assortment of no less rotten vegetables and fruits.

A visitor asked a student: "Why you throw tomatoes at the man and now you are applauding him?"

"We want an encore. I still have some tomatoes left!" explained the student.




The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual sailor's experience in the Army.

After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman overslept and missed muster. When questioned he said: "Due to my metabolic inability to cope with change I did not respond to external stimuli and remained in a comatose condition."

The C.P.O., who didn't understand a word, listened to this report with awe and sent the sailor to the psychiatrist.





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Give Me A Double

So this guy walks into a bar and says, “Gve me two beers.”

The bartender obliges him.

The guy looks into his wallet and says, “Give me two more beers.”

So the bartender gives him two more beers. The man went on like this until he had put down ten beers, and keeps on going in his wallet and asking for two more beers.

So the bartender asks, “What's in your wallet that you keep looking at?”

So the man opens his wallet and says, “The more I drink, the prettier my wife gets.”

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

The Hamster Show

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.

"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.60/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (5)

q: What do you get when you c...

q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?

A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (53)

Signs Of Christmas

Toy ...

Signs Of Christmas

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.
Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (26)

A man who went to Church with ...

A man who went to Church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this and one Sunday took a long hat pin along to poke him with it every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out ..." and who created all there is in 6 days and rested on the 7th?" she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed "Good God all mighty."

The minister said "That's right, that's right" and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath, and later began to doze off again when the minister got to ..." and who died on the cross to save us from our sins?" the wife hit him again and he jumped up and shouted "Jesus Christ." The Minister said "That's right, that's Right" and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to ..." and what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?" the wife started to poke the husband but he jumped up and said, "If you stick that damn thing in me again I'll break it off."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 July 2008
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (11)

All Categories

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

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