Jokes of the day for Monday, 06 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 06 October 2008
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (103)

Making God Laugh


You know how to you make God laugh?

Tell him your plans.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Three desperately ill men met ...

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual.

The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

Gators gone?

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

A blonde joke

An...

A blonde joke

An Irishman, an Aussie and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Aussie opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Steak again! If I get steak one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, strasburg again! If I get a strasburg sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Aussie opened his lunch, saw steak and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the strasburg and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Aussie's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him ham & cheese! I didn't realise he hated steak so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He made his own lunch.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

How many men does it take to c...

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows -- has it ever happened?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Passing An Exam


Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"





#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Famous Last Words

Q: What are the famous last words of a redneck?

A: "Hey ya'll... Watch this!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.
The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

The Conductor

A little ...

The Conductor

A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change.  After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row.

Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours.

They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.

Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily dispensing tickets when he sees a girl stick her gum on the back of a seat on the bus.  Enraged, he lunges out with the ticket dispenser, breaking the offender's neck and killing her.

Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him.

This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water, he tries everything but the conductor won't die. So again, he is set free.

Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death a young boy who starts to chew his bus ticket. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution.

At this point, the executioner can take no more, his professional pride has been hurt. Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret, “what is it with the bananas?”

“Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it,” replies the man. “I'm just a bad conductor.”

Some More Funny Jokes

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2007/09/02/funny-fairy-tale-2007/

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2007/09/01/skim-milk/

http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2007/09/01/its-gettin-so-you-cant-eat-anything/

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

What do you call a woman with ...

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

Sean Edwards, Leith

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 40 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (10)

q: What do you get when you c...

q: What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver?

A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuck Yourself.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Ray Owens' Joke A Day - Making Fun Of Morons Since 1863
  • Currently 3.96/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (47)

The doct...

The doctor entered the room and advised his patient that a brain transplant was the only remedy.

"Fortunately" he continued, "this hospital has perfected the procedure,
however, it is not yet available on the National Health and you will
therefore have to pay.

We have two brains in stock at the moment, a female brain costing £30,000 and a male brain at £100,000"

"Why is the male brain so expensive?" asked the patient.

"Oh, that's easy, male brains are hardly used."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 30 July 2008
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

A blonde and a brunette went i...

A blonde and a brunette went into a bar for a drink.  They sat down just as the 6:00 news was being televised in the bar. They were showing a man getting ready to jump off a 20 story building.

The blonde turned to the brunette and said: "I bet you $100 that he doesn't jump."  "I'll take that bet," the brunette replied. At that moment he jumped. The blonde took $100 out of her wallet and handed it to the brunette.

I can't take your money, the brunette replied. "No, I insist. A bet is a bet and I want you to take it." The blonde said. "No, I honestly can not take it because I saw the 5 o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."

The blonde replied, "No take the money because I also saw the 5 o'clock news but I didn't think he would jump twice."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 July 2008
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

All Categories

Q: How many Manchester City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 26 June 2008
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (40)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes Archive