JOKES OF THE DAY

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

french fries to a poker game?

Someone told her to bring her own chips.

The Frog & the Bank Manager

A dog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from his nameplate that the teller is called Patrick Whack.

"Mr Whack, I'd like to get a \$30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Paddy looks at the dog in disbelief and asks his name.

The dog says his name is Rover Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Paddy explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The dog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Paddy explains that he'll have to consult with the bank manager and he disappears into a back office.

He finds the manager and says, "There's a dog called Rover Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow \$30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

He then holds up the tiny pink elephant and says to the manager. "I mean, what in the world is this?

The bank manager looks back at him and says,

"It's a knickknack, Paddy Whack. Give the dog the loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac? He knew in advance what he was going to forget.

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Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened up on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.

The preacher says, "Why do you want to do that?"

The boy replies, " Because my Daddy said that you are the poorest preacher he has ever heard."

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I’ve hit the ball, I can’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur. “Your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

“He may be a hundred and three,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law. “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” replies the brother-in-law. “I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” asks Arthur.

“I don’t remember.”

Jokes

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