JOKES OF THE DAY

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What, my dear?" she asked gently.

"You're a goddamn jinx!"

"For freeing me from my prison, I will grant you a wish, what will it be sire?"

The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job, a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."

"Allah Ka Zam!" said the genie.

"You're a housewife!"

Parking the Car

Norman and his wife live at Mt Buller. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimetres of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow plough can get through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimetres of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plough can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who have partners, Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time sweety?"

Three guys are trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Atlanta to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."

Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Angus MacPherson. Scotland. Shotput." He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.

The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. MacPherson. Here is you packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."

HOT DOG! The first guy grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chuck Wagon. Canada. Javelin."

The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Wagon. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!"

The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up the registration table and states: "Dusty Rhodes. Australia. Discus."

The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Rhodes. Here is you packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself."

They scamper in, but suddenly realize the third guy is missing. They groan - OH NO. He is not to bright. They forgot to make sure he doesn't do something stupid and blow their cover stories.

They spot him walking with a roll of barbed wire under his arm. He walks up the registration table and states: "Foster Bean. USA. Fencing."

Tell them that next time they should not warn you, and maybe, just maybe, they could sneak by.

Signs Your Company is Going to Downsize

10.  Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
9.  Dr. Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
8.  Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very
friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
7.  The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
6.  Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
5.  Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
4.  Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the
local Taco Bell.
3.  Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus
Store” are discontinued.
2.  Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String,
pliers and 2 aspirin).
1.  Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked
with all existing departments in the Company.

Remember folks, “We’re not Downsizing, we’re Rightsizing!!”

• Funny Jokes
• Clean Jokes