Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 October 2008
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (87)

Top ten things you don't ...

Top ten things you don't want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to settlement on your new home:

1. "I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home's garden."

2. "Actually, it's only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground."

3. "Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell's Angels, but I'm told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it."

4. "One bleeding toilet doesn't necessarily mean it's haunted."

5. "Your neighbor has assured me that, technically, they're not 'killer' bees."

6. "Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it's unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property."

7. "It's quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity."

8. "Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?"

9. "It's true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder."

10. "You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night."
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 6.13/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (8)

Family of tomatoes...

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (15)

Budget Cuts

Reso...

Budget Cuts

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executiveÂ’s wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

One cannibal to another: Your ...

One cannibal to another: Your wife makes a great soup. Second cannibal: Yes! But I'm going to miss her terribly.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Begin Emergency Landing


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight.

The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign.

The vibration stopped immediately.

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

He Was a Saint

There were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their

money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even

attended the same church and looked to be perfect

Christians.

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not

only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but

he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell

in numbers.

A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new

assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining

brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral

and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying

for the new building.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you

must say my brother was a saint."

The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back.

"He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and

abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small

time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he

was a saint."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Calculate the number 989

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 989 using numbers [5, 2, 5, 7, 40, 882] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Stewed Tomatoes

A guy is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worry about getting seasick.

The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Downsizing - Funny Jokes

Signs Your Company is Going to Downsize

10.  Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
9.  Dr. Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
8.  Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very
friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
7.  The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
6.  Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
5.  Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
4.  Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the
local Taco Bell.
3.  Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus
Store” are discontinued.
2.  Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String,
pliers and 2 aspirin).
1.  Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked
with all existing departments in the Company.

Remember folks, “We're not Downsizing, we're Rightsizing!!”

#joke #beer

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinkin...

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snail.
Don't worry, we'll soon have you out of your shell.

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 August 2008
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

Bill Gates cannot hire houseke...

Bill Gates cannot hire housekeepers, although he has interviewed hundreds.

Everyone he interviews says they don't do windows.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 July 2008
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

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