JOKES OF THE DAY

The doctor suggests, ''Eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.''

The guy replies, ''Would that keep me from getting sick, Doc?''

The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the water.''

money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even

attended the same church and looked to be perfect

Christians.

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not

only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but

he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell

in numbers.

A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new

assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining

brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral

and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying

for the new building.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you

must say my brother was a saint."

The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

The next day at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back.

"He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and

abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small

time, he concluded with, "But, compared to his brother, he

was a saint."

Budget Cuts

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”

Everyone he interviews says they don't do windows.

Signs Your Company is Going to Downsize

10.  Company Softball Team is converted to a Chess Club.
9.  Dr. Kevorkian is hired as an “Outplacement Coordinator”.
8.  Your best looking women in Marketing are suddenly very
friendly with the dorky Personnel Manager.
7.  The beer supplied by the Company at picnics is Schlitz.
6.  Weekly yard/bake sale at Corporate Headquarters.
5.  Company President now driving a Ford Escort.
4.  Annual Company Holiday Bash moved from the Sheraton to the
local Taco Bell.
3.  Employee discount days at the local “Army & Navy Surplus
Store” are discontinued.
2.  Dental plan now consists of a Company supplied kit (String,
pliers and 2 aspirin).
1.  Your CEO has installed a dart board in his office marked
with all existing departments in the Company.

Remember folks, “We’re not Downsizing, we’re Rightsizing!!”

• Funny Jokes
• Clean Jokes