Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 29 October 2008
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The local Pastor was visiting ...

The local Pastor was visiting the home of Sister Jones to comfort her after the recent loss of her husband. "Come in Pastor." Stated Sister Jones. "Have a seat on the sofa."

Sitting on the sofa, the Pastor eyed a dish of peanuts setting on the coffee table. He took a few of the peanuts and began to eat them. After ten minutes he noticed that he had eaten nearly all the peanuts. "Why Sister Jones," said the Pastor, "It appears that I have eaten almost all your peanuts."

"That's okay Pastor." replied Sister Jones. "Now that I have lost all my teeth I only get to suck the chocolate off!"
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Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
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Star power...

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project -- an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger being courted for the top roles.

Spielberg really hoped to have the box office "oomph" of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select the composers they would portray, as long as they among the most famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagal. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."

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Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
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What's round and bad-tempered?...

What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.

Eric Lewis, Stenhouse

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 34 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

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Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
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Email from God

O...

Email from God

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all the inappropriate behaviour that was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion."

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.

When that angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."

God was not pleased. So while he was debating what to do about the 95%

He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good to encourage them - give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn't get one either.

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
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Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

The boy cannibal came home fro...

The boy cannibal came home from school one day and said to his mother, "I hate my brother's guts." "Okay," said his mother, "I won't put them in your sandwiches again."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
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The Fate Of Marriages


It is often cited that there are half as many divorces as marriages in the US, so one concludes that average marriages have a 50% chance of ending by divorce. While I was a graduate student, among my peers there were twice as many divorces as marriages, leading us to conclude that average marriages would end twice...





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Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Replace asterisk symbols with ...

Replace asterisk symbols with a letters (********N *I*P***E) and guess the name of musician band. Length of words in solution: 9,8.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Wrinkled Nightgown

A man and wife were celebrating their 50-year anniversary, so the man bought his wife a $250 see-through nightgown.

Later that night she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightgown was still in the box downstairs. Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said, "My word, for $250 they could've at least ironed it!"

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Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
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Posted today at Funny Jokes

Dear Fellow Business Owner

Dear Fellow Business Owners:

As a business owner who employs 30 people, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barack Obama will be our next president, and that my taxes and fees will go up in a BIG way.

To compensate for these increases, I figure that the Customer will have to see an increase in my fees to them of about 8-10%. I will also have to lay off six of my employees. This really bothered me as I believe we are family here and didn’t know how to choose who will have to go. So, this is what I did.

I strolled thru the parking lot and found eight Obama bumper stickers on my employees cars. I have decided these folks will be the first to be laid off.

I can’t think of another fair way to approach this problem. If you have a better idea, let me know. I am sending this letter to all business owners that I know.

Sincerely,

Business Owner

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
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AOL Support Call

AOL: America Online, this is Sue speaking.

Caller: Hi, I have some questions about American Online

before I join.

AOL: Okay, ma'am, what's your question?

Caller: Well, some of my friends who have AOL say they get

something called "cybersex". Does this cost extra?

AOL: :::quiet laugh in the background::: Well ma'am... I

don't know how to explain this, but cybersex is not part of

America Online.

Caller: Oh really? My friends said they got it from AOL.

AOL: Well it's something members typically do when they go

to a chat room.

Caller: Hmmmm . . . I don't understand, what is cybersex??

AOL: I'm sorry, I really don't know how to explain it.

Caller: Hmmm . . . well, have you ever had cybersex?

AOL: Ma'am, I don't think that's an appropriate question to

be asking me. Is there anything else you need?

Caller: Sorry, like I said I don't even know what it is.

AOL: That's okay ma'am, anything else?

Caller: Yes, I have one more question.

AOL: Go ahead . . .

Caller: What are you wearing?

AOL:

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 September 2008
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...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 August 2008
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A blonde and a brunette went i...

A blonde and a brunette went into a bar for a drink.  They sat down just as the 6:00 news was being televised in the bar. They were showing a man getting ready to jump off a 20 story building.

The blonde turned to the brunette and said: "I bet you $100 that he doesn't jump."  "I'll take that bet," the brunette replied. At that moment he jumped. The blonde took $100 out of her wallet and handed it to the brunette.

I can't take your money, the brunette replied. "No, I insist. A bet is a bet and I want you to take it." The blonde said. "No, I honestly can not take it because I saw the 5 o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump."

The blonde replied, "No take the money because I also saw the 5 o'clock news but I didn't think he would jump twice."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 July 2008
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