Jokes of the day for Saturday, 29 November 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 29 November 2008
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (85)

In a small Texas town there wa...

In a small Texas town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.

At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!"

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"
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Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Daddy's password...

While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"

"What is it? her older sisters asked, eagerly.

Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A man goes to the doctor feeli...

A man goes to the doctor feeling unwell. The doctor examines him and says: "You're suffering from Alice."
"What's that?" asks the man.

"I don't know," says the doctor, "But Christopher Robin went down with it"
Mrs C Smith, Penicuik

Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs?

He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag.

Neil Sutton, Corstorphine

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins said: "Man it's hot in here."

The other muffin exclaimed: "Look, a talking muffin!"

Tony White, Loanhead

Why does a room full of married people looks so empty?

There's not a single person in it . . .

Mark Allan, Niddrie

What do you call a boom-a-rang, that doesn't come back?

A Stick.

Eric Stevenson, Leith

If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com





The full article contains 162 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

License Renewal

...

License Renewal

A woman named Emily renewing her driver's license at the Transport office was asked by the clerk to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job, or are you just a "?". "Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a Mum."

"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation.. 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our local police station. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire!

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing programme of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).

I'm working for my Masters, (the whole bloody family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the girl's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

When I got home, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 10, 7, and 3. Upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development programme, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had triumphed over bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mum."

Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

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Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

If ignorance is bliss, why are...

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Submarine

Did you know that the Pollacks recently built their own submarine?

It's got wire mesh on the windows to keep out the flies.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Calculate the number 539

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 539 using numbers [2, 4, 5, 5, 90, 357] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Stick of Dynamite

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

GRATEFUL MARRIAGE

An elderly couple, Minnie and Max, sit down to their Thanksgiving dinner. Before eating, his wife speaks up. “Can I ask you a question, Max?”

“Sure Minnie,” Max says, waiting to dig into his meal.

“Has our 50 years of marriage made you grateful?”

“Yes, indeed!” Max replied. “For the twenty years I was a bachelor!”

#joke #thanksgiving
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

New Mexico Crazy Law


  • State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

    Carrizozo


  • It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.


    Las Cruces


  • You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.





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  • Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 August 2008
    • Currently 5.57/10

    Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

    ...

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 August 2008
    • Currently 6.20/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (5)

    Twenty-one reasons why Engl...

    Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
    1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2. The farm was used to produce produce.
    3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
    4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
    6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
    7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
    10. I did not object to the object.
    11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
    13. They were too close to the door to close it.
    14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
    15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 August 2008
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    Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

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