Bob calls in to his job:
Bob calls in to his job:
"Hey, boss I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss says:
"You know Bob, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Bob calls:
"Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got a nice house."
"Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mummy near the phone?"
"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Frank."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now"
Brief Pause ...
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mummy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mummy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead"
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool??? .....Is this 9555-7039??"
I've been in love with the sam...I've been in love with the same woman for many years. I hope my wife doesn't find out or she'll kill me!
Over 40"Women over 40 are at their best, but men over 30 are too old to recognize it."
Which is a winning combination of digits?
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil...Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
A man goes to the doctor feeli...A man goes to the doctor feeling unwell. The doctor examines him and says: "You're suffering from Alice."
"I don't know," says the doctor, "But Christopher Robin went down with it"
Mrs C Smith, Penicuik
Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs?
He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag.
Neil Sutton, Corstorphine
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins said: "Man it's hot in here."
The other muffin exclaimed: "Look, a talking muffin!"
Tony White, Loanhead
Why does a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a single person in it . . .
Mark Allan, Niddrie
What do you call a boom-a-rang, that doesn't come back?
Eric Stevenson, Leith
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com
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