JOKES OF THE DAY

practice. He had a new sign painted and hung it in front of

his office, proclaiming his specialties:

"Homosexuals & Hemorrhoids."

The town fathers were upset with the sign and asked him

please to change it. The Doctor was eager to please, so he

put up a new sign:

"Queers & Rears."

The town fathers were really fuming about that one, so they

demanded the Doctor come up with a decent sign that would not

offend the townspeople.

Finally, the Doctor came up with an acceptable sign:

"Odds & Ends"

One Happy Customer

Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used Tide all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.

What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

A guy goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific."

The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.

"Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?"

"Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary."

"Can I help you?" the assistant asked.

"I'm having trouble, I'll have to admit," replied the executive.

"Here let me show you." said the assistant, and he took the piece of paper, placed it in the feed chute and pressed the red 'ON' button. The shredder hummed and sucked in the piece of paper.

"Wow! I'm embarrassed. That's pretty easy," the executive exclaimed. "Oh, and I just need one copy."

The manager says,
“That’s his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”