New household cleaner
Did you hear about the new household cleaner just put on the market?
It's called "Bachelor."
Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.
New Woman on the Block.
New Woman on the Block
A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's."
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think itÂ’s just the reflection off her shoes."
What do you call a cow with no...What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Out Of Food Supplies
With four daughters and one son always dashing to school activities and part-time jobs, our schedule was hectic.
To add to this, we kept running out of household supplies.
I instructed them all to let me know when they used the last of any item by writing it down on a note pad on the refrigerator.
As a reminder, I wrote at the top: "IF WE ARE OUT OF IT, WRITE IT DOWN."
When I checked the pad a few days later, to my delight I found the following message:
"MOM, YOU MAY BE A BIT OLD-FASHIONED, BUT YOU ARE NOT 'OUT OF IT."'
The Blonde's HaiOne day a blonde walked into a barber shop and asked for a hair cut. when the barber asked her how she wanted it she said any way, just don't take of my headphones.
She went into the barber shop every day for a month and told the barber the same thing every day.
One day the barber decided to see what would happen when he took off the headphones. When he did the blonde grabbed her neck then fell over dead.
When the barber listened to the headphones they were saying breathe in breathe out....
What did the neurotic pig say ...What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
Pauline Smith, Leith