Jokes of the day for Friday, 26 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 26 December 2008
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (119)

This lady is having a bed wett...

This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go the doctor. The Dr. tells her to undress and to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a Dr. and gets in front of the mirror.

The Dr. goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her after she gets dressed.

The lady puts her clothes back on and asks the Doc what is wrong with her. He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before she goes to bed. The lady asks the doc why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head.

He replies, "Oh. I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (8)

Kissing a model...

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.

She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.

"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.

"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"

"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

Did you hear about the scienti...

Did you hear about the scientist who fitted a new door knocker?
He was trying to win the No-Bell prize

James Jones
If you have a joke you'd like to share e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com


The full article contains 42 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

The Chaufffeur

T...

The Chaufffeur

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, "You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?"

The driver is understandably hesistant and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that."

But the pope persists, "Please?"

The driver finally gives in. So the pope takes the wheel, and boy is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes nearly 100 in a 45 zone. A young policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Cop: "Chief, I have a problem."

Chief: "What sort of problem?"

Cop: "Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it's someone really important."

Chief: "Important like the mayor?"

Cop: "No, no, much more important than that."

Chief: "Important like the governor?"

Cop: "Muuuuch more important than that."

Chief: "Like the President?"

Cop: "I don't know, maybe more."

Chief: "Who's more important than the President?"

Cop: "I don't know, Sir, but he's got the pope DRIVING for him!"

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Fortune cookie saying #56: If ...

Fortune cookie saying #56: If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is definitely not for you.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Ponderings Collection 14


Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.

After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?

This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.

I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.

The best advice for teenagers is, leave home now while you still know everything.

I really feel sorry for Madonna's baby, having to grow without a last name.

Is it a law of nature that women have to sneeze as soon as they apply their mascara?

The two biggest problems in America are making ends meet and making meetings end.





#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Find number abc

If caabc - 4caba = 32aac find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Safe fax

Q: Do I have to be married to have fax?

A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.

Q: My parents say they never had fax when they were young and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21. How old do you think someone should be before they can fax?

A: Faxing can be performed at any age, once you learn the correct procedures.

Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?

A: Certainly not, as far as we can see.

Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay to fax. Is this legal?

A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a 'professional' when their need to fax becomes too great.

Q: Should a cover always be used before faxing?

A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (33)

World's Smartest Woman World's Smartest Woman

An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, Bill Clinton said, "I am president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc., " so he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane.

The second passenger said, "I'm Antoine Walker, one of the best NBA Basketball players, and the Boston Celtics need me, so I can't afford to die," so he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane.

The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the President of the United States, a soon to be New York Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world," so she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.

The fourth passenger, Pope John Paul the second, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you take the last parachute."

The boy scout said, "It's Ok, there's a parachute left for you. The world's smartest woman took my backpack."

#joke

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 September 2008
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (6)

Another...

Another Lesson in Managment

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree", sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy.

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 August 2008
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.