JOKES OF THE DAY

In walked a group of blondes & they were chanting "44 days! 44 days!"

One of the blondes was carrying a picture puzzle of Cookie Monster in a frame.

The bartender leaned towards the blonde holding the puzzle and asked, "Why are you chanting 44 days?"

She set down the puzzle on the counter and said, "A lot of people think us blondes are dumb, so to show them, we bought this puzzle and put it together. It said 1-3 months but we completed it in 44 days!"

Women's Logic

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

'Congratulations on your wedding day!.............
Too bad no one likes your wife.'

'How could two people as beautiful you............
have such an ugly baby?'

'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........
After having met you, I've changed my mind.'

'I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........
I never believed in Hell until I met you.'

'As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......
that you're not here to ruin it for me.'

'As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy...'

'Thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........
I never knew what evil was before this!'

'Before you go,.........
I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again.'

'Someday I hope to get married............
but not to you.'

'You look great for your age.......
Almost Lifelike!'

'When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.'

'I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......
So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.'

'We have been friends for a very long time...........
What do you say we call it quits?'

'I'm so miserable without you..................
It's almost like you're here.'

'Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............
Did you ever find out who the father was?'

'You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket....
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.'

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

Cindy, you have sinned ........

The manager says,
“That’s his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”