Jokes of the day for Monday, 29 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 29 December 2008
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (174)

A police officer stops a blond...

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (6)

Parking the car....

Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said.

"You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."

Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.

You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.

Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the instructions.

He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"

Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

What do you call a travel...

What do you call a travelling flea?
An itch hiker

Max Thomas, Abbeyhill
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburgh news.com


The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
Page 1 of 1

  • #joke
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A Drunk's Logic

...

A Drunk's Logic

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she picked up:

a litre of low fat milk,

a dozen eggs,

a litre of orange juice,

a lettuce,

a 250 g pack of coffee,

and 500 grams of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the cash register, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the cash register and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.webwombat.com.au/ - Jokes: Joke of the Day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

One cannibal to another: "Don'...

One cannibal to another: "Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I just don't think I could eat a whole one."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Georgia Crazy Law


  • Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

  • Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.


  • Signs are required to be written in English.

  • You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

  • No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

  • It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

    Acworth


  • All citizens must own a rake.

    Atlanta


  • Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

  • One man may not be on another man's back.

    Columbus


  • Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday.
  • It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.

    Gainesville


  • Chicken must be eaten with the hands.

    Jonesboro


  • It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy"

    Kennesaw


  • Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

    Marietta


  • Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.

    St. Mary's


  • No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.

    Quitman


  • Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.

  • It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.





    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

    Find the right combination

    The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    Three Months to Live

    A guy goes to see a doctor and after a series of tests the doctor comes in and says,

    "I've got some good news and some bad news."

    "What's the bad news?"

    asks the patient.

    "The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live."

    The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?"

    The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk,

    "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?"

    The patient says, "Yes."

    The doctor smiles and replies, "I'm banging her!"

    #joke #blonde #doctor
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

    A manager brings a dog ...

    A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
    The dog is a brilliant piano player.  He plays all the
    standards.  He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
    when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
    out.  The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

    The manager says,
    “That's his mother.  She wants him to be a doctor.”

    #joke #doctor
    Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
    • Currently 4.97/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (31)

    Paybacks are a ... ...

    Paybacks are a ...

    A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, making out.

    As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.

    The guy reluctantly paid her, and they went on with their business.

    After they finished, the guy lit up a cigarette, sat back in the driver's seat and stared out the window.

    "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

    "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 September 2008
    • Currently 5.33/10

    Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

    An engi...

    An engineer dies and reports to hell.

    Pretty soon, the engineer becomes dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

    One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer: "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

    Satan replies: "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and lifts, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

    God replies: "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there; send him up here."

    Satan says: "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

    God says: "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

    Satan laughs and answers: "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

    (With apologies to any lawyers reading this ... but the rest of us think it's funny ...)
    #joke #lawyer
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
    • Currently 5.00/10

    Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

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