Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 31 December 2008

For months the archaeologists ...

For months the archaeologists had been tolling deep in the Amazon jungle, clearing creepers and rampant, choking undergrowth from the faint traces of a Lost City. Their excitement mounted as the place`s extraordinary purpose became evident. Broad, winding avenues of giant flagstones had deep, narrow, perfectly circular holes every few hundred yards. It had to be .... a golf course! Any doubt was dispelled by the discovery of stone panels depicting human figures using primitive prototypes of irons or putters.

Next step was to interrogate local Indian tribesmen about traditions associated with the prehistoric golf club. And yes, the tribes did have legends of Old Ones who followed a daily ritual with the clubs and balls, until routed by tragedy. Watching a particularly wrinkled, aged elder chattering to the interpreter, a Professor murmured wistfully. "If only we knew why they gave up golf, making it vanish for centuries before rediscovery."

The interpreter nodded eagerly and relayed the query. The elder, surprised, made a sweeping gesture at the jungle, and replied tersely. "Simple," was the translation, "they couldn`t afford the green fees."

#joke

Joke

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What insect is always complain...

What insect is always complaining?

A grumble bee
Derek Small, Blackhall

• If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com

The full article contains 34 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.

Page 1 of 2

#joke

Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day

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SLIDESHOW #113 - Funny Photo Slideshow

redneck wedding

How can you tell when a redneck has a wedding?

When theres tobbaco spit on both sides of the truck.

#joke #short

Joke

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Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

A manager brings a dog ...

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player.Â He plays all the
standards.Â He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out.Â The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”

The manager says,
“That's his mother.Â She wants him to be a doctor.”

#joke #doctor

Joke | Source: Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress

Currently 5.33/10

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Why do men like blonde jokes??...

Why do men like blonde jokes??LOCKQUOTE> Because they can understand them.

#joke #short #blonde

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 September 2008

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...

#joke #short

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 17 August 2008

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Mo Mandel: Bought But Never Used

Our high school coach got caught with meth at a game. And he told the school that he had bought it, but never used it. Ive never bought drugs and not used them. Right? Theyre not condoms.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Currently 4.37/10

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Dog playing piano

It is World Piano Day!

A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed."
The man says, "But this is a special dog – he plays the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the man puts the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing. Ragtime, Mozart... and then he plays some rock 'n' roll. The bartender and patrons are amazed.
Suddenly, a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the man, "What was that all about?"
The man replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."

#joke #doctor #walksintoabar #worldpianoday

Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around

Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

Monster Under My Bed

Son: "Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!"
Dad: "Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed."

#joke #short

Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

Fish p*rn?

Fish p*rn? Deep Trout.

#joke #short

Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!

Currently 3.63/10

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Only one kiss per yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a smirk.

"That's fine," said the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

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Joke

Currently 8.32/10

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Ethical Problem

An attorney had just finished a consultation with an elderly, nearly blind widow, for which he charged her $100. The widow opened her purse and removed a $100 bill. When the lawyer accepted it, he noticed there was another 100 stuck to it. Immediately the lawyers keen legal mind realized he was faced with a vital ethical question:

Should he tell his partner?

#joke #lawyer

Joke

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Banging

My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.

.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland

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Joke

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Love

"Would you continue to love me if I were completely bald?" she asked.
"Absolutely, my dear," he answered.

"What if I had no ears? Would you still love me?"
"Just as much as I do now, sweetheart."

"What if I had no arms at all?"
"Even then, my love."

"What if I had no toes?"
"Ew, no!"

"What?!?"
"Darling, you know I'm lack-toes intolerant"

#joke

Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around

Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

Brand new Christmas cracker jokes

1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker?

Pays her off

Voted the best new Christmas cracker joke of 2018, author:Edinburgh teacher, Michael Hughes, 37 - the winner of the competition run by TV Channel Gold.

2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas?

Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers

3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play?

No prophet

4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas?

Their silence

5. When do sheep practice their new dance?

While shepherds watched them floss by night

6. What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born?

The stable has had some wise men in it

7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much?

She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes

8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas?

Suits

9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party?

She misjudged the strength of the punch

10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents?

Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper

11. What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning?

They keep changing the thyme

12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?

Because he’s tired of being in the single market

13. What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas?

Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher

14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey?

Shred sauce

Jokes seen first on:https://www.independent.ie/

#joke #short #christmas #pun

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor

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