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Jokes of the day for Monday, Jan the 5th 2009
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What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree
Brian Phelps, Craiglockhart
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@ edinburghnews.com
The full article contains 36 words and appears in Edinburgh Evening News newspaper.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
Political wisdom
1) Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
2) I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
- Winston Churchill
3) A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw
4) A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
- G Gordon Liddy
5) Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting, On what to have for dinner.
- James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)
6) Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
- Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University
7) Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
8) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
9) Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few Short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
- Ronald Reagan (1986)
10) I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers
11) If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
- P.J. O'Rourke
12) In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
- Voltaire (1764)
13) Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
- Pericles (430 B.C.)
14) No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
- Mark Twain (1866)
15) Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it.
- Unknown
17) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill
18) The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
- Mark Twain
19) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)
21) What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
- Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
22) A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
- Thomas Jefferson |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A young woman walks into a doctor's office complaining about a rash on her chest. Upon examination, the doctor discovers the rash is in the shape of a 'Y'. The doctor asks the woman if she can think of anything which might explain it. "Well," the woman replies, "it could be my boyfriend. You see, he goes to Yale and when we have sex he insists on wearing his letter sweater." The doctor tells the woman to make her boyfriend take off the sweater before they have sex. Later that same day another woman comes in with a rash on her chest, this one in the shape of an 'H'. When questioned, the woman explains that her boyfriend goes to Harvard and insists on wearing his letter sweater when they have sex. The doctor gives the second woman the same advice as the first and sends he on her way. Later yet another woman comes into the office with a rash in the shape of an 'M'. Before the woman can explain, the doctor exclaims, "I bet your boyfriend goes to Michigan!" A smile breaks across the woman's face as she exclaims, "No! My girlfriend goes to Wesleyan!" |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something “practical” for her birthday.
“Suppose we open a savings account for you?” Mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. |
A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.
The dog is a brilliant piano player. He plays all the
standards. He’s sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out. The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”
The manager says,
“That’s his mother. She wants him to be a doctor.” |
Permalink | Source : Joke of the day - Jokes of the day on Wordpress
Rating: 5.0/10 (10 votes cast) |
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