Jokes of the day for Sunday, 01 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 01 February 2009
  • Currently 9.46/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (150)

Two soldiers were having a cha...

Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. The first soldier asked the second, "Why did you join the army?" The second soldier replied, "I didn't have a wife and I loved war -- so I joined. Why did you join the army?"
To which the first soldier answered, "I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined."
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

One Line Zingers


  • If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?

  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

  • The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

  • "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”

  • Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”

  • "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”

  • This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.04/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (27)

"A Horse goes into a bar and t...

"A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says,
""Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"" "
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Know how to prevent sagging? <...

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 3.29/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (7)

An old man and old woman had b...

An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral.

Every day after the funeral, the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there.

About two months later, a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man.

"Hello, there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave, and we just think that's so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you."

"No, actually I bring the dog out here to piss on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

At A Grocery Store


A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Calculate the number 907

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 907 using numbers [5, 1, 5, 8, 66, 714] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

This is fun.....

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Did you hear about the dude wh...

Did you hear about the dude who just bought an AM radio? It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Playboy special

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married.

Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, Where is Jesus today?
Steven raises his hand and says, Hes in Heaven.
Mary answers, Hes in my heart.
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, Hes in our bathroom!
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
Well, Little Johnny says, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

A husband says to his to frien...

A husband says to his to friend: "My wife wasn't happy with the bag and belt I gave her for her birthday – but at least the vacuum cleaner works better."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

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