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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Feb the 2nd 2009
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Clinton, Bush and Washington... Sinking Ship |
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, Save the women!
George W. Bush hysterically hollers, Screw the women!
Bill Clintons asks excitedly, Do we have time? |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Nuns confession |
| A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun.
He decides to approach her anyway. "Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says.
"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves.
Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack."
The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some.
The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."
She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass."
The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus"
With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.6/10 (10 votes cast) |
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At A Grocery Store |
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.
The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| Why did the dude only smell good on the right side? He didn't know where to buy Left Guard! |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 6.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Avid golfer... |
A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over.
"It's only fair to warn you, Linda," he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live...eat...sleep...and breathe golf."
"Well,..." Linda said, "Since you're being honest, so will I. You see, I'm a hooker."
"I see," he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said..."It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 3.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil. The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity. At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks.
The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Georgia.
The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity. At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Georgia.
At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature for this man to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind. At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, the man was instead singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton. When the devil asked him why, he was so happy, the man answered,
"Cold day in hell, the Falcons must have won the Super Bowl!" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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One Line Zingers
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- If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?
- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
- The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
- "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”
- Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”
- "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.3/10 (7 votes cast) |
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How Old? |
| A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends \$5,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsagents to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you
don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time. The first soldier asked the second, "Why did you join the army?" The second soldier replied, "I didn't have a wife and I loved war -- so I joined. Why did you join the army?"
To which the first soldier answered, "I had a wife and I loved peace. So I joined." |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop.
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
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