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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, Feb the 3rd 2009
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High Speed Chase |
After an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
You know, says the cop, I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?
Last week my wife ran off with a cop, the man said, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.7/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Head and Shoulders |
| A blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is.
The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says,
"God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head & Shoulders."
To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A Very Insulting Parrot |
This elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, "My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam."
She turns around quickly to see who has spoken, but there is no one. All she sees is a big green parrot, resting on his perch in his cage. "Did you say that?" she asks.
"Why, yes, I did!" he replies. "And may I add that dress is a very nice color for you."
The lady suddenly realizes how nice it would be to not only have a talking parrot, but one that paid such nice compliments. So she pays for him and takes him home. On the way, she says, "You know, I am so proud of you that I believe I'll take you out for dinner! Would you like that?"
The parrot says, "Why yes, that would be delightful. I know a charming place on 7th Street."
So they arrive home and the lady progresses upstairs to her room to change for dinner, bringing the parrot along, of course. When the woman enters the building, the parrot begins complaining, swearing, and even bit her once.
Well, the woman is flabbergasted! She grabs the parrot by the throat, marches down the stairs into the basement, and stuffs the parrot in the freezer. She leaves him there in the freezer for five long minutes before taking him back out. The parrot is very cold.
She says, "Well? Have you learned your lesson? I will not tolerate such language in my house!"
The parrot says, "Okay, okay, I promise it won't happen again. I am deeply sorry."
Within five minutes, he is cursing again and bit her once on the arm and once on the finger.
The lady is absolutely stunned. She rips the parrot out of his cage, goes down the stairs, into the cellar, and, slam, into the freezer. This time, she leaves him in there for fifteen minutes.
When she finally takes him out, the parrot is one step away from death. He is shivering and has light frost on the beak. "I swear it will never ever happen again! I will never insult you again! I promise!" As he thaws, he looks up at the lady and says, "I do have one question though. That turkey in there, what'd he do, attack you?"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 4.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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| What do you call a dude in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue! |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 2.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Name the animals... |
The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!"
"That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.
"That's a lion!" answered a little boy.
"Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"
Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 7.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
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It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop says, "Isn't it kind of dumb to be driving so fast in this storm?"
The driver says, "Who's dumb? You're the one who's standing out in the rain." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Q&A: Noah, Noah
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Q: The ark's top-story windows opened to the sky for light and air. How did Noah get light to the dark recesses of the ark?
A: He used floodlights.
Q: Who was the wealthiest male financier in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everybody else was in liquidation.
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| Yo momma so stupid she thought Olde English 800 was a college course. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 6.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 3.4/10 (7 votes cast) |
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn.
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (5 votes cast) |
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