Yo momma so black, she can lea...Yo momma so black, she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
What did the fish say when he ...What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
These days about half the stuf...These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief
It's a nasty day, and a g...It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop says, "Isn't it kind of dumb to be driving so fast in this storm?"
The driver says, "Who's dumb? You're the one who's standing out in the rain."
Bought A Bad Computer
Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad Computer
- Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
- It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
- In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
- It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
- The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
- Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
The manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
The only chip inside is a Dorito.
You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
Which is a winning combination of digits?
Name the animals...
The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!"
"That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.
"That's a lion!" answered a little boy.
"Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"
Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!"
What do you call a dude in a l...What do you call a dude in a leather jacket? A rebel without a clue!
Head and ShouldersA blonde and a brunette were taking the elevator to the lobby from the 25th floor. On the 23rd floor, a great looking man with ruffled hair gets into the elevator. The women exchange a look acknowledging just how good looking this man is.
The man gets off the elevator on the 12th floor. The women watch him exit the elevator. The brunette turns to the blonde and says,
"God was he good looking, but someone ought to give him some Head & Shoulders."
To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"
High Speed ChaseAfter an intense high speed chase, an officer finally gets the lawbreaker to pull over.
You know, says the cop, I was originally pulling you over to tell you your taillight is out. Why the hell did you take off like that?
Last week my wife ran off with a cop, the man said, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.