Jokes of the day for Thursday, 05 February 2009

Q: Why don't ...

Q: Why don't blind people go skydiving?

A: Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.

Potentially vs. Realistically

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

Angry Witch

Q. What do you call an angry Witch?
A. Ribbit

How do you make a blonde laugh...

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Saturday? Tell her a joke on a Wednesday.

There were four men, one from ...

There were four men, one from China, Greenland, America and one
from Australia.
One night they were bragging on how good their country are. The
Chinese said, "my country is the best cause we have the great
wall."
The Greenlander said, "no, mine is the best as we have the
greenest greenest grass."
The American said, "no, mine is the best as we have our flag 50
stars and 50 stripes."
The Australian said, "no, mine is the greatest country as we
have the kangaroo which will jump over the great wall, shit on
the greenest greenest grass and wipe its ass on the American
flag."

An old man goes to the Wizard ...

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Answering Machine Message 199

OK, one more time... This is our answering machine... This is the message on our answering machine... Any questions?

Son of a lawyer

While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two 5-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Adam," replied the second.

"My daddy is a doctor. What does YOUR daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Joshua.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.

Why can't a nose be 12 inches ...

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Why did the dude tip-toe past ...

Why did the dude tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So he wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Mixing Politics and Religion

The last time politics was mixed with religion, people were

burned at the stake.

War Boarder

A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic.
Well, answers the priest, thats not a sin.
But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed.
I admit that wasnt good, but you did it for a good cause.
Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question.
What is that, my son?
Do I have to tell him the war is over?