Jokes of the day for Thursday, 12 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 12 February 2009
  • Currently 9.51/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (105)

Dumb monkey

Why did t...

Dumb monkey

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was holding hands with the first monkey

why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

because it thought they were playing a game!
#joke
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

Q: What did t...

Q: What did the blonde do when her tooth fell out?


A: She tried to glue it back on with toothpaste.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

The Black Bra

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 2.50/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (4)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God doesn't believe in atheists."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

A guy walks into the doctor's ...

A guy walks into the doctor's office. There is a banana stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot stuck in one nostril.
The man says, "Doc, this is terrible. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly."
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (11)

Situational Awareness Scenario...

Situational Awareness Scenario

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a drop-off and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

(Answer below)




Answer:
Get off the children's merry-go-round, you're drunk.
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (6)

Look carefully the picture a...

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Impressing The Others


A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"
The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Little Johnny... Stand Up

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, Everyone who thinks theyre stupid, stand up!
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, Do you think youre stupid, Johnny?
No, maam, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Can you spell that?

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."

The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"

Little Johnny thought for a few seconds and said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (20)

How do monsters like their egg...

How do monsters like their eggs cooked?
Terrifried
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

How do you keep a dude busy?

How do you keep a dude busy?
- Give him a pack of M&Ms and ask him to put the candies in alphabetical order.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

Trust

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial which went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?

A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?

A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

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