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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Feb the 13th 2009
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Drunk Driver Test |
A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.
I cant do that, officer, Im an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
OK, well just get a urine sample down at the station.
Cant do that either, officer. Im a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Cant do that either, officer. Im a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Cant do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because Im drunk. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.5/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Determining sex |
| Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Impressing The Others |
A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan.
He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques.
Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office.
Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend he was exchanging chit chat with the Base Commander.
He threw Colonel's and General's names around and talked about letting them stay in his Daddy's condo in Hawaii, and then set up a golfing date between him, the Base Commander, and the CO's of the Naval Security Group and Naval Air Facility.
Finally he hung up and asked the Sergeant, "Can I help you sergeant?"
The TSGT said, "Yes sir, I'm here to activate your phone lines."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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| Why was the dude fired from his quality-control job at the M&M factory? Because he kept throwing away all the ones with "W"s on them. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Man and wife in heaven.... |
A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied.
"What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E."
St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?"
"Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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A friend of mine was taking psychology at San Francisco State College. The professor and class were discussing Penis Envy, or more accurately, they were discussing the reams of evidence refuting this redoubtable phenomenon.
The professor told the students of the experience of a friend of hers...
A male friend was taking a shower in the presence of his three-year-old daughter. The daughter looked at her dad and said, "Daddy, you have a penis."
The father said, "Yes, I do."
The kid said, "I don't have a penis."
The dad said, "Yes, that's right."
The kid said, "Mommy doesn't have a penis."
Again, the dad confirmed.
The daughter frowned, and then looked up at her dad reassuringly and said, "Well Daddy, I don't think you should worry, because yours is very small."
The psychology professor thought this was an excellent case for the existence of "Penis Pity." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
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"God doesn't believe in atheists." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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The Black Bra |
| I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Q: What did the blonde do when her tooth fell out?
A: She tried to glue it back on with toothpaste. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while people waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister-in-law. I was appalled! But as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had indeed come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived, full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation, giving his talk.
"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him for confession!"
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Dumb monkey
Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it died.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was holding hands with the first monkey
why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
because it thought they were playing a game! |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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