JOKES OF THE DAY

Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave the nurse a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby there.

'But how will you know when our baby is born?' she asked.

'Well,' he said 'after you've had the baby just send me a postcard and write Sauerkraut on the back.'

Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his surgery.

'John, dear,' she said, 'you received a very strange postcard in the mail today and I don't understand what it means.'

'Just wait until I get home and I'll read it,' he replied.

Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his postcard. It said, 'Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut, Sauerkraut - two with wieners, one without.'

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"