Jokes of the day for Thursday, 19 February 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 19 February 2009
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (82)

Walks Into a Bar... Cheese Sandwich

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich, he says to the barman.
Im sorry, sir, replies the barman, we dont serve food in here.
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Q: Why aren't...

Q: Why aren't there any Wal-Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

The Devil

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

What do you call 10 rabbits wa...

What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards?

... A receding hair line.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Why do people tend to hate Aus...

Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight
Why do people tend to hate Australian Rugby players on sight?
Because it saves time.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Two Hindu Puns

Two Hindu swamis were in conversation.
One said to the other, "How did you like my latest book, 'The Art of Levitation'?"
His companion replied, "It kept me up all night."

***
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Find number abc

If b78aa - 71a80 = c6c7a find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Marty wakes up at home with a ...

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - Priceless
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

A Bet Made At The Local Bar


A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

Falling down drunk...

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second man says, "What are you a nut? There's no way that could happen."

The first man responds, "No it's true. Let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The second guy tells him, "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke."

The first guy says, "No, I'll prove it again," and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

The second man thinks, "Well why not? It works, I'll try it." So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat!'

Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real mean drunk."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

How many Spaniards does it tak...

How many Spaniards does it tak tae screw in a lightbulb?
Just Juan
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Mountain climber hanging on cl...

Mountain climber hanging on cliff to his partner: Hey, the rope holding me is fraying. What if it breaks? Partner: Don't worry, I brought along extra rope.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Redneck Woman Shows

You might be a redneck if your ma has ever run out of the bathroom and said " Ya'll come look at this 'fore I flush it.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

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