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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Saturday, Feb the 21st 2009
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Baseball for Scotsmen |
| A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring Run....run!
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams: R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!
The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run! All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, He doesnt have to run, he got four balls.
Walk with pr-r-ride man! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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A man takes the ferry home from work |
| John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain.
When he got back to the ferry slip, the ferryboat was just eight feet from the dock. Smith, afraid of missing this one and being late for dinner, took a running leap and landed right on the deck of the boat.
"How did you like that jump, buddy?" said a proud John to a deck hand.
"It was great," said the sailor. "But why didn't you wait? We were just pulling in!"
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Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Answering Machine Message 200 |
(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| My friend just got back from a trip to Switzerland. I asked him what he thought about the scenery. He said, Oh, I couldn't see much. All these mountains were in the way. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
Two parrots sitting on a Perch when one says to the other â can you smell fish?
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Another wife? |
At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.
"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'
"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"
One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for distribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican which she expressed openly.
One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor she felt that for years her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. The self professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.
He stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she studied all the time, never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. That she was taking a more difficult curriculum.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your good friend Mary doing?"
She replied, "Mary is barely getting by." She continued, "She barely has a 2.0 GPA," adding, "and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies. But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn't even show up for classes because she is too hung over."
Her father then asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0." He continued, "That way you will both have a 3.0 GP and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter visibly shocked by her father's suggestion angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without and Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked really hard!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said, "Welcome to the Republican Party." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Quilt Lessons
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One Sunday after church a mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, “Don't be scared; you'll get your quilt.” Needless to say, the mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea, and the mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lessons had been about. He said, “Be not afraid; thy comforter is coming.”
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Condom Galore |
| Nike Condoms: Just do it. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Yo momma so fat G-d mistook her for his bowling ball. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
| A woman calls a nother women and asks what the dress code is. I the women on the on the other side of the phone replies very confidential! |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.8/10 (12 votes cast) |
A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.
Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"
"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt." |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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