Jokes of the day for Monday, 02 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 02 March 2009
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (117)

Q: How did th...

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking the leaves?


A: She fell out of the tree.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

A blonde walked into a store t...

A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.

She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my computer screen.

The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."

The blonde said, "HelloooÂ…. I have windows!"
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

John's teacher sent a note hom...

John's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"John seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "
The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father ! "

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Killer

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Actual Personals From Jewish Newspapers

Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses and Bar Mitzvahs. Religion not important.
Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good.I am a sensitive Jewish prince to whom you can open your heart to share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please.
Jewish male, 34. Very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me.
Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (5)

Tired of his low approval rati...

Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning."

Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.

The next morning, the agent was escorted into the Oval Office. The President said, "I hear you're the best in the business. I can't trust what my staff tells me.

So I want you to visit every state in the union, every major city. I want you to stay out on the road until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans would like to see happen in the Oval Office. Understand?"

The CIA agent responded affirmatively. He left the White House and wasn't heard from for nearly four months. Finally, he showed up early on a Saturday morning, and the President saw him immediately.

The President said, "Did you find out what an overwhelming majority of Americans want done here in this office?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, express the will of the people," Clinton ordered.

So the agent stood up, pulled out a gun, and shot him.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

Chess Knight Move

Find the title of movie, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is T. Length of words in solution: 3,4,6.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Definition Of Windows


Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95
Windows95: n.
32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Running red lights...

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it; I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (10)

Did you hear about the stupid ...

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

"When I was in India I got to ...

"When I was in India I got to chase wild elephants on horseback!" "That's amazing! I didn't know that elephants could ride horses!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Purchasing furniture

I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irritating, this is what I tell them:

Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea (substitute "furniture store" if you don't know what "Ikea" is). You get a phone call that goes like this.

Customer: I'd like to buy a kitchen table.

You: That's fine; we have many styles of kitchen tables, I'm sure you can find one you like.

C: I need one that's 3 feet by 5 feet and has a butcher block top.

Y: Yes, we have a table like that. You can pick it up today.

C: OK, how can I get it back to my house?

Y: Well, it comes disassembled, so you can just put it on a roof rack. We can loan you a roof rack if you don't have one.

C: But how do get there?

Y: We're just off exit 25 of the Turnpike. Where are you coming from?

C: Wait, wait, you're going way too fast for me. I have a Ford in my driveway, and the keys are in my hand. What do I do next?

And, whatever you say at this point, the response is always the same:

C: But all I want is a kitchen table! Why does it have to be so *COMPLICATED*!

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Potential & Reality

A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?
His father looks up thoughtfully and says, Ill demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what youve learned.
The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?
Dont tell your father, but, yes, I would.
He then goes to his sisters room. Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?
She replies, Omigod! Definitely!
The kid goes back to his father. Dad, I think Ive figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, were living with two sluts.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

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