Q: Have you e...Q: Have you ever smelled mothballs?
A: Well, how did you spread their tiny legs?
How are men like mascara?
How are men like mascara?
Any sign of emotion and they're running!
A blonde came home from school...A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, "I
can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do
you think it is because I am a blonde?" Her mother replied, "Of
couse it is, dear."
The next day, the blonde said, "I can say the alphabet higher
then anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a
Her mother replied, "Of course it is dear!"
The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked
her mother, "I have bigger breasts then all the kids in my
class, do you think its because I am a blonde?"
Her mother replied, "No dear, I'm sorry, I think it is because
you are eighteen years old."
Moses on His Walkie Talkie
Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
After a year at sea, a sailor ...After a year at sea, a sailor comes ashore, gets drunk, and runs to a brothel.
The old madam says, "All my girls are busy, but I'll take care of you."
He says, "I'm desperate, so you'll do."
They go into a room, and after a while, the madam says, "I may have winter in my hair, but I've got summer in my heart."
The sailor says, "Yeah, if you don't get a little more spring in your ass, we're gonna be here 'til Fall."
You Might Be A Redneck If 47
You might be a redneck if...
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
What a winning combination?
Is honesty the best policy?
After two years of marriage, Tom was still questioning his wife about her lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," Tom asked for the thousandth time, "how many men have you been with?"
"Baby, " she protested, "If I told you, you'd throw a fit."
Tom promised he wouldn't get angry, and convinced his wife to tell him.
"Okay," she said, then started to count on her fingers, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen.....Â”
What is the most tired part of...What is the most tired part of a car?
"How's your business doing?" "..."How's your business doing?" "Well, I'm looking for a new receptionist." "But you only hired one last week!" "Yes, that's the one I'm looking for."
New National AnthemDid you hear Clinton wants to change our national anthem?
The new anthem would be "Yank My Doodle It's A Dandy!"