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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, Mar the 9th 2009
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Lawyers Brains |
| A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant.
His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for \$10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for \$15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of \$800 an ounce.
The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so expensive?"
The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?" |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Very Hostile Farmer |
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.
The farmer said, "That's once."
A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer said, "That's twice."
After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.
The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.
His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."
The farmer said, "That's once."
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| "Why are you laughing?" "The stupid dentist just pulled out one of my teeth!" "I don't think that's very funny." "Well, but you see -- it was the wrong one!" |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Good news...bad news.... |
The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
The doctor says, "They're going to name a disease after you." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Man walks into the Doctors office.
"I have the results of your test and I'm afraid your going to die" Says the Doctor.
The Man asks "How long do I have to live"
"Ten" replies the Doctor.
"What the hell does that mean" the Man asks. "Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks, What?"
The Doctor Replies "Nine" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Too Little, Too Late
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A man arrived at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter opened the gate and said, “I’ve been checking your file. I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. I’ll tell you what—if you can tell me one really good deed that you did, I’ll admit you.”
So the man answered, “Once I was driving down the road and saw a gang of thugs attaching a poor man along the side of the road. So I pulled over, got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron, and walked straight up to the gang’s leader—a huge, ugly guy with a chain running from his nose to his ear. Undaunted, I ripped the chain out of his ear and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and, wielding my tire iron, yelled to the rest of them, “You all leave this poor man alone! Go home before I teach you a lesson you’ll never forget!”
Impressed, St. Peter asked, “Really? I can’t seem to find this in your file. When did all this happen?”
"Oh, about two minutes ago.”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
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Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Useful |
| She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love
to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset! |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Q: What's the difference between a skunk in the road and a lawyer?
A: The skid marks are before the skunk and after the lawyer. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Jesus and St Paul are in heaven talking about the pollution in
the seas and rvers of the earth. The Holy Son Says he is going
down to view the situation himself 7 Paul agrees to join
him.When they get there, Jesus discovers a huge metal pipe. Paul
explains to him that it taks the waste out to sea where it kills
the sealife. Jesus then walks out to sea on top of the waves
where Paul follows underneath the surface. He keeps walking on
in amazement of jesus skill to be able to walk on water but
finally asks for some help.
"Master, I will follow you anywhere but im am up to my neck in
freezing cold shitty water and i think im going to drown.
Jesus looks at paul and says "Why don't you walk on the pipe
like me then you stupid twat?" |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.0/10 (6 votes cast) |
What is the STRONGEST letter in the alphabet?
P
Even Superman Cant Hold It!! |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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