JOKES OF THE DAY

They rolled off a cliff into the ocean. The brunettes survived, but the blondes died.

Why?

They couldn't get the tailgate open.

Submitted by Curtis

A Doctor recently had a patient "drop" in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked.

The aged Gentleman replied, "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath. . . . doctor, I'm very concerned!"

The doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said,: "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?"

The old gent's response was, "Well. . . three times last night, and twice again this morning!"

"Don't have any duck food. Just dog food and cat food."

"Okay, thanks," the duck says, and leaves.

The next day the duck comes back. Got any duck food? he asks.

"I told you -- only dog food and cat food."

"Okay, thanks."

The next day the duck shows up again, asking for duck food.

Now the man behind the counter is annoyed. I've told you for three days running, we don't carry duck food.

"Okay, thanks."

The fourth day, here comes the duck. "I'm looking for the duck food section."

The counterman blows his stack. You come in here one more time and ask for duck food, and I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor. You got that?

Next day the duck shows up again.

"What do you want?" the counterman asks threateningly.

"Um, got any nails?" the duck says.

"No, no nails."

"Okay, got any duck food?"

An Irishman by the name of Paul McLean moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers. The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more. This happens yet again. The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers."

"'Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replies. "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening -- he orders only two beers. Word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know -- the two beers and all..."

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."