Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 March 2009
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (34)

A fellow nurse at my hospital ...

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.
"Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.21/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (19)

Q: Did you he...

Q: Did you hear about Rosie O'Donnell?
A: They found her face-down in Ricki Lake.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

A warthog hits this lady and t...

A warthog hits this lady and the husband calls 911.

The operator asks, "Where are you at"?

The husband replies, "I'm on Eucolipstic Road."

The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"

"Well... I'll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

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St. Peter and the Blonde

Some ecclesiastical gentlemen -- a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others -- were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.
He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let a new arrival through first.
A sweet young thing in a mini-skirt arrived and was ushered through.The cardinal was a bit upset about this and demanded an explanation from St. Peter. After all, they had been waiting outside for quite some time and were pillars of the church. How could a girl in a mini-skirt deserve better treatment?
St. Peter smiled and told him: "While she was alive, that young lady drove a little yellow sports car. She regularly jumped red lights, overtook on blind corners, and generally scared the devil out of more people than all of you combined."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

Little Johnny's Chemistr...

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Secretary: I think you're want...

Secretary: I think you're wanted on the phone, sir. Boss: What do you mean "you think"? Secretary: Well, I answered it and a voice said, "Is that you, you old fool?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

This Is My First Golf Lesson


The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelt p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.
"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

The goal of the game is to color all the 25 squares. Clicking will invert clors of all the sqauers within the shape of pattern.
The game is designed for all ages and stimulate children's creativity and reasoning.

Wrong number...

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.

"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. But I HAVE got a wife and eleven children."

"Is that a record?" she inquired.

"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get to setting one."

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

What did the digital clock say...

What did the digital clock say to the analogue clock?
Look, no hands!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (8)

Top Ten Hillary Clinton Campaign Slogans

10. "Read My Lips -- No New Interns"

9. "Reward Me For Putting Up With Bill's Crap For So Long"

8. "Isn't It Time You Were Disappointed By A Different

Clinton?"

7. "Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You, Ask How You

Can Illegally

Contribute To My Campaign"

6. "Vote For Me Or My Husband Will Nail Your Wife"

5. "You Give Me A Vote, I'll Get Vernon Jordan To Give You A

Job"

4. "Still Not Indicted As Of Early '99!"

3. "From Perjury To Albany"

2. "Building A Bridge To The 21st Century, And Pushing My

Husband Over

It"

1. "Oh Lord, Please Don't Make Me Go Back To Arkansas!"

#joke
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (8)

Arm Troubles

A man went to visit his doctor. Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please? the man pleads. The doctor rolls up the mans sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. Hello, Doctort; says the arm. Could you lend me twenty bucks please? Im desperate! Aha! says the doctor. I see the problem. Your arm is broke!
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

A CEO of a large company is se...

A CEO of a large company is seeking advice on whether or not to downsize his company. He turns to his eternally optimistic secretary and asks, "Is this glass half full or half empty?"

Well you know me, she replies, "be thankful for what you have. It's half full!"

He then turns to his eternally pessimistic accountant. "Well, is it half full, or half empty?" He repeats.

"Sir, you know my stance. There can always be more... It's half empty to me."

He then turns to the re-engineering consultant sitting next to him. "Well, you can see my dilemma. What do you think?"

The consultant looks at the half full glass of water, and then looks up at the CEO.

"Well, looks like you've got more glass there than you need."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 16 June 2008
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

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