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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Sunday, Mar the 22nd 2009
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E.T. |
| Q: Whats E.T. short for?
A: Because he has little legs! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Gay bar |
| Four things not to say in a gay bar.
1 Bugger me it's hot in here!
2 Can I push your stool in?
3 Toss you for the next round!
4 Can I bum a fag? |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Shortage Of Parachutes |
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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| Host: There's a storm outside. You can't go home in such bad weather -- why not spend the night here? Guest: All right. Just let me go home first and get my pajamas. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Sunday prayer... |
Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:
"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.
Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.
Finally he got to the food.
"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."
And then he paused.
The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.
Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?" |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.
After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!"
"No matter" said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell"
But, WAIT, There's more...
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on His heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped, picked up a mallet and struck the bells as beautifully as his brother. But as he finished, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but he's a dead ringer for his brother." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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| A tourist walks into a pet shop in Silicon Valley, and is browsing round the cages on display. While he's there, another customer walks in and says to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C monkey, please." The shopkeeper nods, goes over to a cage at the side of the shop and takes out a monkey. He fits a collar and leash and hands it to the customer, saying "That'll be \$5000." The customer pays and walks out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist goes over to the shopkeeper. "That was a very expensive monkey - most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." The tourist looks at the monkeys in that cage. "That one's even more expensive - \$10,000 dollars! What does it do?." "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java, all the really useful stuff." The tourist looks round for a little longer and sees a third monkey in a cage on its own. The price tag round its neck says \$50,000. He gasps to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" "Well, I don't know if it does anything, but it says it's a Consultant." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Revenge is Sweet |
| There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 7.3/10 (3 votes cast) |
Q: How can you keep a five dollar bill from a Mexican?
A: Put it under a bar of soap. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (6 votes cast) |
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it's too far to walk. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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