Jokes of the day for Monday, 23 March 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 23 March 2009
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (87)

As horny as hell

A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.

She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!"

The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.

Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!".

The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?".

The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?",

The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (35)

What do you call a person that...

What do you call a person that speaks 3 languages?
"Trilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 2 languages?
"Bilingual"
What do you call a person that speaks 1 language?
"American"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (23)

Q: Why are Je...

Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised?


A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (10)

Q: Why don't people like to ea...

Q: Why don't people like to eat next to basketball players?

A: Because they dribble too much!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Men Are Just Happier People

Your last name stays put.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Q&A: Why Was Moses Wicked?

Q. Why was Moses the most wicked man?
A. He broke all 10 Commandments at once.
Q. What animal could Noah not trust?
A. The cheetah.
Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
A. Flood lights.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.10/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (20)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Questions for the Ages...
...

Questions for the Ages...

A stitch in time saves nine what?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

What is the speed of dark?
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

Mom: Look, I have a white hair...

Mom: Look, I have a white hair! It must be from all the stress of dealing with you naughty kids! Son: Gosh, Mommy, you must have been terrible to our Grandmother!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Newest Son-in-law


A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (7)

Taxes

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.16/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (19)

Have you heard the joke about ...

Have you heard the joke about the dustbin?
It's rubbish.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

up, comedians, funny videos, d...

up, comedians, funny videos, dane cook, mike birbiglia, eugene mirman, demetri martin, jeff dunham, katt williams, daily joke, joke of the day, funny jokes, yo mama, jokes, redneck, blond, george bush, bush, lawyer, favorite, list, animal, college, dumb
#joke #short #lawyer #yomama
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.82/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (28)

A student received a software ...

A student received a software package from his friend. But, he didn't have a computer.

The label on the package said that the software required "Windows 3.1 or better."

So, he bought a Macintosh.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 June 2008
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (12)

Jokes Archive

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