JOKES OF THE DAY

"Fine," the accountant says to his client, "but before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."

He takes her particulars: name, address, social security number, etc.

Eventually, he comes on to her current occupation. "What are you working as at the moment?" he asks.

The woman replies, "I'm a whore."

"No, no, no!" barks the accountant. "That'll never work! It's far too crass!

Let's try to rephrase that."

"Okay," says the woman, "err... I'm a prostitute?"

"No, no. That's still far too crude. Can't you think of something else?"

They both sit thinking for a minute, then the woman suddenly blurts out,

"I'm a chicken farmer."

The accountant is dumbstruck. "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?"

"Well," says the woman, "I must have raised over 300 cocks last year!"

Submitted by calamjo

Edited by yisman

In the Beginning, God created Heaven and Earth and then He created man: God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

And Adam said, "What's a valley?"

And God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

And Adam said, "What's a river?"

And God explained to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill."

And Adam said, "What is a hill?"

And God explained that to him. Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

And Adam said, "What's a cave?"

And God explained that to him, then said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

And Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, and said, "I want you to reproduce."

And Adam said, "How do I do that?"

So God explained to him.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman, and in about fifteen minutes, Adam was back.

God patiently replied, as He always does, "Yes... how can I help you?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

The probability of the toast landing jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

A cat dies and goes to Heaven.

God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."

The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."

God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"

The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"