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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Apr the 3rd 2009
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Cat in the Way |
| Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She
told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Maam, before you do that again, you need
to move your cat." |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Marriage quotes 08 |
| Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley
Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...
Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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English Language |
The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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| Mother: Junior, last night there were two pieces of cake in the kitchen and now there's just one. Why? Son: I guess it was so dark that I didnt see the second one! |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Why didn't the haunted house like the rain?
Because it dampened its spirits
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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I'm lost... |
A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Chips and beer." |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 6.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?"
"No, I didn't know that." The man replied.
"So what color are your wife's eyes?" asked the friend.
The man replied, "I'm too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out."
So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife's eyelid and exclaims, "Oh my God! Brown!"
Suddenly, another man pops out from under the covers and exclaims, "How the hell did you know I was here?" |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
| Good evening, ladies, Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench. "Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked. "No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed." "Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?" "Elementary, my dear Watson. the nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces." The prostitute, he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth." "Amazing!" Watson exclaimed, "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?" "Because she held it with one hand and pushed her head toward it with the |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 5.6/10 (5 votes cast) |
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Behold, I Come Quickly
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The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the sermon his mind went blank. After a brief second of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat the last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try.
"Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. He tried again. "Behold, I come quickly." Still nothing.He tried one more time -- speaking and gesturing with such force that he fell forward, knocking the pulpit to one side, tripping over the flower pot, and falling into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.
The young preacher apologized profusely.
"That’s all right, young man," said the little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!" |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 6.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
Q: What kind of room can you eat?
A: A mushroom! |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 7.8/10 (4 votes cast) |
Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets to talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 5.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
What happens when frogs park illegally?
They get toad! |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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