Jokes of the day for Friday, 03 April 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 03 April 2009
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (100)

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILD...

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (8)

Yo momma like a screen door: a...

Yo momma like a screen door: after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Marriage

conversation before marriage...
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

What happens when frogs park i...

What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Behold, I Come Quickly

The new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous, and about ten minutes into the sermon his mind went blank. After a brief second of complete panic, he remembered what they had taught him in seminary about situations like this: repeat the last point. His teacher assured him this would help him remember what was supposed to come next. So he gave it a try.
"Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. He tried again. "Behold, I come quickly." Still nothing.He tried one more time -- speaking and gesturing with such force that he fell forward, knocking the pulpit to one side, tripping over the flower pot, and falling into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.
The young preacher apologized profusely.
"That’s all right, young man," said the little old lady. "It was my fault. I should have gotten out of the way. You told me three times you were coming!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

Good evening, ladies, Sherlock...

Good evening, ladies, Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.

"Do you know them?" Dr. Watson asked.

"No," Holmes replied, "I've never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed."

"Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?"

"Elementary, my dear Watson. the nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces."

The prostitute, he continued, "grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth."

"Amazing!" Watson exclaimed, "But how did you know the third was a newlywed?"

"Because she held it with one hand and pushed her head toward it with the

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Calculate the number 2151

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 2151 using numbers [3, 7, 2, 1, 58, 420] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

A man was talking to his frien...

A man was talking to his friend at the bar. The friend said "Did you know that 9 out of 10 women with brown eyes cheat on their husbands?"

"No, I didn't know that." The man replied.

"So what color are your wife's eyes?" asked the friend.

The man replied, "I'm too drunk to remember. Geez, I better go home and find out."

So the man hurries home to find his wife in bed and asleep. The man carefully lifts his wife's eyelid and exclaims, "Oh my God! Brown!"

Suddenly, another man pops out from under the covers and exclaims, "How the hell did you know I was here?"
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Son: Mom, does God go to the b...

Son: Mom, does God go to the bathroom? Mom: No, dear. Why do you ask? Son: I heard Dad at the bathroom door saying, "Oh God, are you still in there?"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Answering Machine Message 256


(For Shakespeare lovers only:)
So long as phones can ring and eyes can see,
So leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

I'm lost

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Chips and beer."

#joke #short #policeman #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (15)

Why didn't the haunted house l...

Why didn't the haunted house like the rain?
Because it dampened its spirits
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

Marriage quotes 08

Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.

Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass Daley

Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

Marriage is a rest period between romances.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.

Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Cat in the Way

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Maam, before you do that again, you need to move your cat."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

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