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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Thursday, Apr the 9th 2009
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Getting Forgetful |
Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.
The second lady says, You think thats bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!
The third lady smiles smugly. Well, my memory is just as good as its always been, knock on wood, she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there? |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Blonde Paint |
| Have you heard about the new blonde paint?
Its cheap, thick, and spreads real easy... |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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Question And Answer Jokes |
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: Whatâs the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| Houseguest: My dear, I'll be going away by tomorrow. Are you sad? Little girl: Oh, yes. I thought you were going to leave by today. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The survivors were marooned.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Missing parrot... |
There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."
But the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.
Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand! The only thing he knows how to say is, "Here, kitty, kitty!!!"
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Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. When her Aunt asked how she was going to spend it, she replied by saying, "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God.
He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.4/10 (5 votes cast) |
| A duck walks into a store and asks the guy behind the counter for duck food. "Don't have any duck food. Just dog food and cat food." "Okay, thanks," the duck says, and leaves. The next day the duck comes back. Got any duck food? he asks. "I told you -- only dog food and cat food." "Okay, thanks." The next day the duck shows up again, asking for duck food. Now the man behind the counter is annoyed. I've told you for three days running, we don't carry duck food. "Okay, thanks." The fourth day, here comes the duck. "I'm looking for the duck food section." The counterman blows his stack. You come in here one more time and ask for duck food, and I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor. You got that? Next day the duck shows up again. "What do you want?" the counterman asks threateningly. "Um, got any nails?" the duck says. "No, no nails." "Okay, got any duck food?" |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 7.0/10 (4 votes cast) |
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Three Eggs and $100
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An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 \$1 bills.
He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.
The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the \$100 was for.
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for \$1." |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 7.2/10 (6 votes cast) |
Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quater pounder with cheese. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples. |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.7/10 (14 votes cast) |
How do you get a kleenex to dance?
Put a little boogey in it. |
Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) |
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