Jokes of the day for Thursday, 09 April 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 09 April 2009
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (100)

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually a...

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 6.22/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (9)

Q: Why was th...

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?


A: Because his daddy was a mummy.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

Various Quotes

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -- Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

How do you get a kleenex to da...

How do you get a kleenex to dance?

Â… Put a little boogey in it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Three Eggs and $100

An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing three eggs and 100 $1 bills.
He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "Why?" The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.
The pastor felt that three poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for.
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 7.80/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (10)

Elizabeth was surprised to rec...

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. When her Aunt asked how she was going to spend it, she replied by saying, "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God.

He'll be just as surprised as I was at not getting a dollar like usual."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

Find number abc

If c3ab2 + 9c88b = 1c04a9 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Visitor: Young man, is it true...

Visitor: Young man, is it true that you're distantly related to your neighbors? Little boy: Yes sir. You see, their dog is the brother of our dog.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Economics Ruins Life


Economics is ruining your life when...
- I tried to calculate my 3 year old son's discount rate by seeing how many sweets he would require to be promised to him after dinner to be equivalent to one sweet before dinner
- I spent one hour in a toy shop making up over 20 bundles of toys that could be purchased for $25 and then asked my son to select one of these bundles

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (7)

Missing parrot...

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."

But the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.

Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand! The only thing he knows how to say is, "Here, kitty, kitty!!!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (13)

Blonde Paint

Have you heard about the new blonde paint?

Its cheap, thick, and spreads real easy...

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Getting Forgetful

Three old ladies sit in a diner, discussing their health.
One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldnt remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.
The second lady says, You think thats bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldnt remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!
The third lady smiles smugly. Well, my memory is just as good as its always been, knock on wood, she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Did you hear about the red shi...

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The survivors were marooned.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (6)

A duck walks into a store and ...

A duck walks into a store and asks the guy behind the counter for duck food.

"Don't have any duck food. Just dog food and cat food."

"Okay, thanks," the duck says, and leaves.

The next day the duck comes back. Got any duck food? he asks.

"I told you -- only dog food and cat food."

"Okay, thanks."

The next day the duck shows up again, asking for duck food.

Now the man behind the counter is annoyed. I've told you for three days running, we don't carry duck food.

"Okay, thanks."

The fourth day, here comes the duck. "I'm looking for the duck food section."

The counterman blows his stack. You come in here one more time and ask for duck food, and I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor. You got that?

Next day the duck shows up again.

"What do you want?" the counterman asks threateningly.

"Um, got any nails?" the duck says.

"No, no nails."

"Okay, got any duck food?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (5)

Jokes Archive

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