Jokes of the day for Saturday, 11 April 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 11 April 2009
  • Currently 9.53/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (100)

Facts of life...

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (23)

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gr...

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

Q: When do yo...

Q: When do you go on red and stop on green?

A: When you eat a watermelon.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Housework

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said, 'Wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex'.
#joke
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (2)

What do you call a snail on a ...

What do you call a snail on a boat?

A Snailer!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

Church Bulletin Bloopers

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 12, 13, 15, 16, 21, 24, 50, 51, 59, 78) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Two elderly men Sam and Arthur...

Two elderly men Sam and Arthur, avid bridge players get some bad news Arthur is dying. Sam says to Arthur, please Arthur when you get to heaven somehow send me a message and let me know if there's any bridge up there. Arthur says he'll try.

Arthur passes away and a week goes by, not a word. Then suddenly Sam gets the call. "Sam" Arthur says, there's good news and bad news. The good news is there's a duplicate on Tuesday, the bad news is you're playing.

#joke
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

A young lady came home from a ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (25)

Mom: Young lady, what happened...

Mom: Young lady, what happened to you? Daughter: I fell into a big puddle, Mom. Mom: In your new dress? Daughter: Well, I didn't have time to change.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Answering Machine Message 257


I am not home to talk to you,
But please don't be a creep.
Just leave your name and number,
At the sound of the...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

A man is recovering from surge...

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

How do you stop a Lawyer from Drowning?

Q. How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A. Shoot him before he hits the water.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

Lucky Driver

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
What are you going to do with the prize money? the officer asks.
The man responds, I guess Ill go to driving school and get my license.
His wife says, Officer, dont listen to him. Hes a smart aleck when hes drunk.
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, I knew we wouldnt get far in this stolen car.
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, Are we over the border yet?
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (4)

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