Jokes of the day for Sunday, 12 April 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 12 April 2009
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (89)

A Love Story
I will see...

A Love Story
I will seek and find you . . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Q: What does ...

Q: What does a Disney ride and Viagra have in common?


A: It takes over one hour to start and two minutes for the ride to end.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (7)

Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road. Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop. He hit the bunny head on. The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene. There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.
The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"
The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching. It was a woman in a red convertible. The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."
The woman ran back to her car. A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it. The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman. Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again. It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.
Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"
The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (34)

A Hillbilly was involved in an...

A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

Once there was a blonde who re...

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory.

She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring.

The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad.

After long consideration the manager hired her.

After a few hours, the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up.

The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was.

When he arrived the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles not two testicles!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Find number abc

If 3a131 - c0c6c = 1486b find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Daughter: Mommy, little brothe...

Daughter: Mommy, little brother just broke my doll! Mother: How did he do that? Daughter: I hit him on the head with it.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (3)

Numbers Equal Zero


Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Facts of life...

Morris asks his son, now aged 13, if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong.

"Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.61/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (23)

Yo mama is so ugly

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry!

Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

#joke #yomama #halloween
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Prison Mail

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. Dear husband, you wouldnt believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden.
The prisoner writes back: Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (8)

What do you call a snail on a ...

What do you call a snail on a boat?

A Snailer!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

A man is recovering from surge...

A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

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