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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Friday, Apr the 17th 2009
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Ron White: Wake-Up Call |
| I went out last night, and I got back at the hotel at 7:30 this morning. I went up to the desk to leave a wake-up call for 7:00. The lady goes, Mr. White, its past 7:00. No, the next one. You got another one coming around, dont you? Why dont you just put me on that one? I hear theyre running two a day through New York City. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 2.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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I Want Some Milk |
| Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist." |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Question And Answer Jokes |
Q: When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?
A: Because deep down, they're really nice guys.
Q: If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A: Who cares?
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
A: The vultures aren't gagging over the skunk.
Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One; the lawyer holds it while the rest of the world revolves around him.
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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| Father: Son, I see you have bad grades. Didn't I tell you I'd give you a bicycle if you passed your exams? What have you been doing? Son: Learning to ride a bike. |
Permalink | Source : Click The City - Philippine's Leading Lifestyle and Entertainment Guide.
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
TV star Jonathan Ross has been caught shoplifting in Harrods' kitchen department.
The controversial chat show host told police it was a whisk he had to take.
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Permalink | Source : http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
Rating: 1.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Probing questions.... |
| Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe, you will believe it, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint, you will have to touch it to be sure?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUPs?
Are Lipton Tea employees allowed to take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others
here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
No one ever says 'It's only a game,' when their team is winning.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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jokes of the day ads
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jokes of the day ads
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Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care."
The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!"
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakable!"
The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!"
"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 3.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
| A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too." The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too." The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "\$650. "\$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I charged you \$50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional \$600 was for the cat scan and the lab tests." |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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A Puzzle for Darwin
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On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 3.9/10 (7 votes cast) |
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Pride |
| A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,"Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
Q: Did you hear about the new device that makes your car run 95% quieter?
A: It fits right over her mouth. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 1.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: ; Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 7.3/10 (4 votes cast) |
A dentist a nurse and a army general are flying.
The dentist decides to drop a tooth brush out of the plane. The nurse drops down a medical kit and the army general drops a bomb.
They land the airplane and see what happened...
First they found a guy looking for his false teeth.
Next they found a guy bandaging his wounds.
Lastly they found a young boy laughing his head off.
They asked him what happened and he said, "My grandfather farted and blew up his house."
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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