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Jokes of the day
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Jokes of the day - daily portion of jokes. New jokes every day. Joke of the day archive is updated every day. Funny photo is updated daily. Funny video is updated daily. Links to great joke archives. Big archive of old jokes of the day, top rated jokes of the day. Jokes of the day are updated daily, bringing updated jokes. Rate jokes of the day.
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Jokes of the day for Monday, May the 18th 2009
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Friends With Hookers |
Q: What do you call women who hang out with hookers?
A: Support hoes. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
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Three Aggies |
| There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide.
The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole.
This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground?
The Aggies replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long". |
Permalink | Source : The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
Rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast) |
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Knock Knock Collection 145 |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Passion!
Passion who?
Passion through and I thought I'd say hello!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pasture!
Pasture who?
Pasture bedtime isn't it!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pat!
Pat who?
Pat yourself on the back!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paul!
Paul who?
Paul up a chair and I'll tell you!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Paula!
Paula who?
Paula up the door handle will you and let me in!
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Permalink | Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
Rating: 5.0/10 (3 votes cast) |
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Labor pains |
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor. When they got there, the doctor said, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try. It takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives them to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try the new machine. The doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father. The husband said "I feel okay, turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50%. The husband said "why dont you just put it all on me cause Im not feeling a thing." The doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared", but the husband replied "I am ready." The doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband still didnt fell a thing! They went home happy with a pain free labor! When they got home they were shocked to find the mailman was dead on the front porch! |
Permalink | Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
Rating: 4.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Hillary Clinton goes to a new doctor in Washington for an examination and he discovers that she has crabs. He thinks to himself 'How am I going to tell the 1st lady that she has crabs?' After the exam he tells her to get dressed and meet him back in his office.
Once there he proceeds to tell her that she has a very unusual condition. She is quite concerned and asks him what it is. He responds that she is suffering from Nixon's Disease.
She says "What?"
He again responds, "Nixon's Disease."
She says, "Level with me doc, what does it mean?"
He responds, "Well Mrs. Clinton, to put it very bluntly, you've got bugs in your oval office." |
Permalink | Source : Joke rating machine - Jokes in categories, joke of the day by categories
Rating: 4.0/10 (7 votes cast) |
| The Popemobile The pope was coming over to visit Canada and when he was greeted at the airport there was a limo waiting for him. As he was getting in he asked the limo driver if he could drive instead, because being a pope - he never got to do neat things like that. The driver said sure, after all - you can't say no to the pope. The pope of course decided to have some fun and drove the limo at about 200 km/h in a 80 km/h zone and a cop spots him and pulls him over. The cop of course was very surprised when he looked inside the limo, and immediately radioed his supervisor. Cop: What should I do? I can't ticket this guy!
Supervisor: Why who is it? The Mayor? Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere? Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere? Cop: No, much more important!
Supervisor: Not the Premiere? The Prime Minister? Cop: No, much much more important!
Supervisor: Not the Prime Minister? Who the hell can be more important than the Prime Minister? Cop: I don't know, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur! |
Permalink | Source : Dos santos online - Not joke related site, but with joke of the day
Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast) |
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When Life Begins
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There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school. |
Permalink | Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
Rating: 5.8/10 (6 votes cast) |
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Texas Gun Logic |
| A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury
for possible manslaughter charges after she shot a mugger 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse
. She had her hand on her gun when he grabbed the purse, and she was left with the revolver in her hand. |
Permalink | Source : jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Q: How do you know a blonde has been on your computer?
A: There is whiteout all over the screen. |
Permalink | Source : Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast) |
Three Aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me,"
Bruce replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Kevin said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.'
And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'." |
Permalink | Source : Australia, India, Sri Lanka - Australian Joke of the day
Rating: 6.3/10 (6 votes cast) |
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
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Permalink | Source : Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
Rating: 5.9/10 (9 votes cast) |
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Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
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Travel photos
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Travel Photos Of Places - collection of photos from all around the world - frend of the jokes of the day
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