Jokes of the day for Sunday, 31 May 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 31 May 2009
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (121)

There were these 4 guys, a Rus...

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie
appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, He
said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you A
wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the
pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted,
"WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so
happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented
with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly He
steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted,
"SHIT!!!!!!! .......... "
LESSON IV: "THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES
ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

Q: What do yo...

Q: What do you call two blondes driving a convertible with the top down?

A: Dual Airbags!
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy.com - The World Famous Comedy.com Daily Joke!
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (2)

Maximum Occupancy

Five Scotsmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (2)

Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"GOD LOVES YOU WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (27)

A blonde is terribly overweigh...

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat these same steps for 3 weeks. The next time you come here, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded..."I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping!"
#joke #blonde #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Send my luggage....

Passenger to Airline Ticket Agent: I want my brown suitcase sent to Los Angeles, my green suitcase sent to Kansas City, and my tan suitcase sent to New Orleans.

Ticket Agent: I'm sorry, sir; this flight is to Nashville. We can't do that.

Passenger: Why not ? You did it last time.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

Find number abc

If b3b2a - c2a33 = 60ba6 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

At The Bar

Question:

Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?

Answer:

She heard the drinks were on the house!

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (6)

My kids love going to the...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (28)

Give me two hot dogs.

One wi...

Give me two hot dogs.

One with mustard and one without."

"Which one without?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 January 2009
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

What do you call a four-foot-t...

What do you call a four-foot-tall psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 May 2008
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (4)

adies: Which of the following...

adies: Which of the following will do a better job of frightening a man away?

"Get away or I'll call the police!"

or

"I love you and want to marry you and have your children."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 May 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

A man refused a drink in pub w...

A man refused a drink in pub was told it was because of the trouble he caused the night before.
Protesting his innocence, the customer said he had never been in the pub before.

"You must have a double then," said the barman.

"Make it a vodka," replied the man.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 May 2008
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Only in America

Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance....

Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and A diet coke...

Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens To the counters...

Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then Have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America... do we use the word politics to describe the process so well. Poli in Latin meaning many and tics meaning blood sucking creatures...

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 May 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A man refused a drink in pub w...

A man refused a drink in pub was told it was because of the trouble he caused the night before.
Protesting his innocence, the customer said he had never been in the pub before.

"You must have a double then," said the barman.

"Make it a vodka," replied the man.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 31 May 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

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