Jokes of the day for Thursday, 09 July 2009

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 09 July 2009
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Rating: 9.6/10 (67)

Happy Thanksgiving Check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes and quotes on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

f a telephone rings in an empt...

f a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The day - Used to be - Australian Joke of the day - site changed purpose and no longer serves jokes
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

Leaving Thoughts...

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered then a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: jokes warehouse - Animal jokes, Blonde jokes, doctor jokes, drunk jokes and jokes of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (2)

A group of chess enthusiasts c...

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Used to be Joke rating machine, but this site is dead
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Miracle mile....

A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Business One-liners 25


Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.
Everybody's gotta be someplace.
Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Defending yourself

Judge: Are you defending yourself?

Defendant: Yes, your Honor.

Judge: You know that if you cannot afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer.

Defendant: I know, your Honor, but I don't want one. I plan to tell the truth.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (10, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22, 30, 32, 34, 79) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Blonde in Freezer

Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer? A: A Frosted Flake.
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

How many bass players does it ...

How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but the guitarist has to show him what to do
#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://news.scotsman.com/ - Joke of the day
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (10)

My kids love going to the Web,...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Kiwi box - today's pick Joke of the day
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (12)

Friendly Pastor

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented, “Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.”
This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

A Hillbilly was involved in an...

A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 April 2009
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (8)

Insulting To Women


The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

Bangkok, Thailand

A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses.

"We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling," Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said.

In an interview published in "The Nation", the airline has been hiring too many college-educated women, he said, adding: "Intelligent women tend not to be good looking."





#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 July 2008
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (10)

the Pharaoh was dictating, and...

the Pharaoh was dictating, and his scribe was busily chipping away at the stone tablet. "I have plans . . . to form," the monarch said slowly, "a personal bodyguard . . . of stalwart . . and virile . . . young men."

The chips flew, but then suddenly ceased flying, and the perspiring chiseler looked up inquiringly, "Excuse me, your Majesty, but is virile spelled with one or two testicles?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 July 2008
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (10)

Business one-liners 80

It's Not My Job!

It's not hard to meet expenses; they are everywhere.

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

It's not the work that gets me down, it's the coffee breaks.

It's out of my control.

Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.

Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.

Junk mail arrives the day it was sent.

Just about the time when you think you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 July 2008
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (8)

On News Year's Eve, a th...

On News Year's Eve, a thin and bony husband is walking around in the house wearing only his boxers.

His wife comes out of the kitchen and says "Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on."

"Oh no, I won't," he says. "I want everybody to see how you feed your husband ..."

"Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there's nothing that I should feed you for."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 July 2008
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (6)

Love is Blindness

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in.

"Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!"

"Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 09 July 2008
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

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