JOKES OF THE DAY

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.

'And so,' says Saint Peter, 'have you ever had any contact with a man's penis?'

'Well,' said the first nun in line, 'I did see one once.'

'OK,' says Saint Peter, 'rinse your eyes in the Holy Water and pass on into heaven.'

The next nun admits that, 'Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit.'

'0K,' says Saint Peter, rinse your hand in the Holy Water and pass on into heaven.'

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut to the front of the queue.

'Well now, what's going on here?' says Saint Peter.

'Well, Your Excellency,' says the nun, who is trying to improve her position in line, 'if I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her arse in it.'

Farmer Brown buys twelve pigs at an auction, only to discover that they are all female. He immediately calls Farmer Jones to ask if he can bring them over to mate with his male pigs. "Sure", says Farmer Jones.

Farmer Brown loads his twelve pigs into the truck. When they get to the Jones farm, the pigs jump out and spend the day mating with the males. Before he leaves, Farmer Brown says, "By the way, I've never had pigs before. How will I know if they're pregnant?"

"Well," says Farmer Jones, "look for signs of unusual behavior. That's usually how you know."

The next morning, Farmer Brown looks out his window and sees nothing unusual. So he loads the pigs up and brings them to the Jones' farm again. The following morning, the pigs are still behaving normally, so, once again, he takes them to the Jones' farm. The next morning, he feels too discouraged to look out the window. "Honey," he says to his wife, "would you mind telling me if our pigs are doing anything unusual?"

Well, she says, "eleven of them are in the back of the truck and the twelfth one's blowing the horn."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Due to weather conditions, there will not be any “Women Worth Watching” this week.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.


- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page